Germans vs Chinese: Part 3 of 4

 On to the next set. . .

11. thyself

photo via WeChat

I'm not sure how to interpret this.  In the west, we see ourselves as bigger than we truly are? Chinese people minimalize their individual significance? I suppose Chinese people, especially the older generations, are quite modest. I don't know about Germans, but the stereotypical American is seen as large and loud and loving the limelight. However, I think the way one views her/himself depends a lot on personality and I'm not sure about making sweeping cultural generalizations on this point. What do you think?



12. individualism vs. collectivism

photo via WeChat

This aspect is shifting. Although not long ago Chinese could be seen as collectivists, I feel like the situation is evolving, especially in urban areas. While being a team player is still very important, people aren't as connected to their work unit as they once were. Supporting and helping family may be more common in China than in some western countries, but modern day Chinese are becoming more indpendent. From what my husband describes, the sense of community seems to be diminishing. In my opinon, this is also a problem in modern American society.

13. beating around the bush

photo via WeChat

In America, it's common, especially when doing business, to tackle a problem head-on. For the Chinese, a problem is usually tackled so carefully that it may appear that no one is dealing with it at all. I've struggled with this at times. I'm still working on the art of trying to get to the point with out getting to the point. Sometimes I still have to ask Ming to try an translate people's action for me. “My student's mom has said they are on vacation the past couple weeks. Do you think her daughter is still going to study with me?” I once asked. “No, honey. They just feel bad telling you she won't.”

14. the line up

photo via WeChat

The only cultural difference that has the power to turn me from a kind, mild-mannered Midwestern girl to a seething ball of rage—the queue jumper. Lack of lines are also a drag, but I've worked a lot on my technique and have gotten pretty good at dealing with them. Push to the front, use your elbows when needed, stick out your hand, and yell out what you want. I hate it, but I can do it. I have seen some progress in the line former department over the years. The Beijing subway system has somehow managed to crack down on crowded and pushing with a fair level of success. People generally stand in line at places like McDonald's and the supermarket, yet somehow lines often fail to form for the bathroom. Hopefully the situation will continue to improve, as I see lines as the cornerstone of a civilized society. 

15. Guanxi

photo via WeChat

It's not what you know, it's who you know. In China, networking is important. Sure, that's true pretty much anywhere, but here it's taken to a whole new level. Ming has a few hundered phone numbers in his address book, because you never know who you might need to call for a favor. I, on the other hand, have about 30 numbers and tend to delete anyone I haven't talked to in over a year. The concept of guanxi is essential to making it in China, as with all the bureaucracy and competition, it's near impossible to accomplish anything without knowing the right people. And knowing them often isn't enough. . . expect to provide a handsome gift or dinner. 

What do you think, has there been a recent shift in cultural norms in your country?  

 

Germans vs. Chinese: Part 2 of 4

 More fun comparisons. Let's see, shall we?

6. Enjoying retirement

photo via WeChat

In the west, you get old, you get a pet. In China, you get old, you may get a pet, but the center of your universe is your grandchild. Most Chinese have to retire early--I think my mother-in-law was fifty at her retirement. Since it's common for both parents to work, many Chinese grandparents use their retirement years largely to help raise their grandkid until s/he starts preschool.


7. Scrub a dub, dub

photo via WeChat

I've always been a night showerer, which made the transition into one aspect of Chinese living easy. I can now truly appreciate the sanctity of the nighttime shower. After a long day out and about you get pretty dirty, this is particularly true where I live these days--the wind whips around dust, sand, dirt, and garbage. You come home and you take off you "outdoor" clothes and switch to your "indoor" clothes (often pajamas). You wash off well or shower before hitting the hay, keeping your bed clean and cosy. Zzzzzz.


8. Life's little annoyances

photo via WeChat

This is one I've never gotten good at. When you're unhappy and you know it, your face surely shouldn't show it. Well, unfortunately, my annoyance and anger usually shows quite clearly, but this is poor form in China. I'm not sure if it's an aspect of saving face or just good etiquette, but in any case, I stink at it.


9. Punctuality

photo via WeChat

 











Germans are known for being very punctual. Most of my American friends and family are pretty good at being on time, but there are those that are routinely half an hour late (or more). I'm not sure what to make of the Chinese clock here. Maybe it varies regionally, but in Chengde people often come early. And when I mean early, I mean early. I've hosted parties and have had people show up an hour(!) before the start time. Where I come from, this is poor form. I've talked to some of my students about it and they explained that Chinese people think it's polite to come early and help the host get ready. What that really translates to is come early and watch the host get ready.


10. Transport Trends: Then (1970) vs Now (2000's)

photo via WeChat

In the decade I've been in China, I've seen the Chinese fall hard and fast for the automobile. During my first year, no one I knew had a car. Now nearly everyone does. I remember, living in Beijing in 2006, when I work up early enough to experience rush hour, I'd see the bike lanes brimming with bikes. There were parking lots for bikes everywhere, but then slowly, the bike racks were done away with; whatever room was available was needed for cars. Traffic is horrible and we are now all choking on exhaust fumes, but it sure is a lot cooler than riding a bike. Unless you live in the west, where in many cities, bikes are making a comeback.

Have you or do you live in another country? Are there any customs you found particularly easy to adapt to?

Germans vs Chinese: Part 1 of 4

This time, a fun post I found on WeChat that illustrates the cultural differences between westerns, i.e. foreigners (specifically, Germans) and Chinese--shown in fun diagrams. German habits and customs are displayed on the left (blue) and Chinese on the right (red). As an American, I also find them pretty spot on. For those who live or have traveled in China, they are mostly self-explanatory. I'll make a few notes on them for those who might not understand the meaning.

1. Three meals a day:

photo via Wechat

Cold meals, such as cereal, salads, and sandwiches are not traditionally eaten among Chinese. Most Chinese people prefer to eat their meals hot and they will often eat quite large meals for breakfast and lunch. Where I live in China, porridge, noodles, stuffed buns, and even stir-fry are common breakfast foods. My family tends to keep things simple though and we usually just have a western-style breakfast of bread, yogurt, and eggs. Sandwiches and salads, however, are something I have to dine on alone.


2. Beauty is only skin deep:

photo via Wechat

I've always hated my fair skin. I was teased about it most of my life, called names like Casper (the ghost). . . then I came to China, a place where my skin tone (though not my freckles) is appreciated. Tans are not prized here and women will usually do whatever they can to avoid one, including hiding under a parasol all summer and using skin whiteners.


3. Volume control:

photo via Wechat

One thing most people notice when they first get to China is the noise. It is a noisy place and many Chinese enjoy the din. There is a word in Chinese, rènào, which means 'lively' or 'bustling with noise.' This is seen as a positive and evokes images of a loud, healthy, happy family.



4. Vacation style:

photo via Wechat

This is one aspect of modern Chinese culture that amazes me--people with their cameras. Though a recent phenomenon, many middle class and wealthy families own very expensive DSLR cameras, costing hundreds, if not thousands of US dollars. I've noticed that they spend most of their vacations hidden behind said cameras. In fact, one day I was strolling around lovely Beihai Park in Beijing, passing the Nine Dragon Wall, and overheard a tour guide speaking to her group, "Take a picture here. This is really the only thing worth seeing in the park. After you get your shot, we'll head to the bus." What an unfortunate way to spend a vacation!


5. Dining out:

photo via Wechat

Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of China, the lazy susan. When you eat out with a large group, it's common to reserve a room at a restaurant. Where I live this is free of charge though nicer restaurants may require a minimum purchase. Most rooms are equipped with large, round tables on top of which sit a lazy susan. This is great for eating family style, as Chinese meals typically are eaten. It also allows you to see (and toast!) all your dining companions.

What about you, are the customs in your country more similar to Germany or China?

A final good-bye

I am hesitant to write this. I'm afraid of writing about something too personal, making myself vulnerable, touching upon a taboo topic. But the words are there, so I will write them.

I haven't dealt with death a lot. I'm not experienced in it and its nuances. I realize now what I always knew but didn't quite comprehend—that death comes in different ways. I wrote briefly of my grandpa's passing, which was sudden though not surprising. With my grandma, it's been much different. To know someone you love has been handed a death sentence is like having a constant cloud hanging over you. I've been waiting, each day slipping by with a slight feeling of dread. More than once, since I flipped my calendar to the month of March, I looked and knew the day was there in front of me, staring me in the face. It was selfish to hope it would be later rather than sooner. I didn't want to let go. Though I knew she was suffering, a part of me clung to the belief that as long as she was here on this earth, nothing had really changed. While I knew in my mind it was impossible, in my heart I hoped she would get better.

My grandma passed away on Saturday. The permanence of it means I must finally admit to myself that things have changed. With her goes a little piece of me. I feel guilty in my grief. Ming tried to comfort me, saying he knows how it feels because he lost his father. I told him that it's not the same. It isn't. To me, losing a parent who has not lived past middle age is a devastating loss. I can't imagine enduring the pain and unfairness of it. But losing a grandparent, one that lives a long and healthy life, is not a misfortune. I couldn't let Ming compare his loss to mine, because his seems so much greater. Still, it hurts to lose someone, no matter how old they were.

I hope I can age as my grandma did. She remained active, walking a mile every day, up until the last few months of her life. She was able to drive past her 90^th birthday. And until three weeks ago, she was living in her own house. I know she was in some pain in her final weeks, but she was healthy most of her life. In fact, after my mom was born she didn't see a doctor for over 50 years. I think she was lucky in many ways, so I want to try my best to celebrate her rather than mourn her. Right now it's difficult, but I think each day it gets easier.

Her funeral is today and, being in China, I won't be attending. I am okay with that. I was able to see her last month and say good-bye. I'm grateful for the time I had with her and that she was able to meet both my husband and son. She will be missed.

JLM 06/09/24-03/21/15

internet hoaxes

I got my first email address when I was in high school and it wasn't long after that my inbox was piling up with chain letters, hoaxes, and spam. I remember one particular tale, perhaps you might have heard it too, that cautioned against having your kidneys harvested while on vacation. Yes, traveler beware, you may be drugged and later find yourself in a tub full of ice sans a kidney!

As we matured as internet users, my friends and I eventually stopped sending these type of emails to each other. The only person who still sends me chain mail is my dad, but those are usually of the harmless variety—mostly containing picture collections of adorable puppies or wonders of the world or perhaps an off-color joke about Hao Long is a Chinaman. Of course, I can still find a lot of garbage online if I go looking for it.

I don't have to look too far. Thanks to WeChat, I'm exposed daily to what I fear is mostly misinformation, fear-mongering, and hoaxes. I try not to fall victim to it, usually opting not to click on any of the myriad such “news articles” posted on my feed. Against my better judgement, I clicked on one such article today. Coming from the mother of my Chinese friend who recently had a baby.

“A five-year-old girl has liver cancer. Could the culprit be snacks? Whatever you do,” it cautioned, “never, ever, feed these things to children under five!!!” I couldn't help myself. I had to know! I had to scroll down!

Number One: Instant Noodles. Okay, this is a given. No one should really eat instant noodles (good old ramen noodles, as known to any US college student). They are garbage, if delicious. Next on the list: gelatin snacks. No more jello for the little ones if you care enough to stop them from getting cancer! Other no-nos included sausage, cookies, ice cream, and potato chips. All pretty much junk food, but, in their defense, sausage and ice cream are both major food groups where I come from. Sure, kids and adults alike shouldn't eat a lot of any of these things, but to suggest a young girl has a life-threatening disease thanks to her parents letting her indulge in snacks like this seems both cruel and far-fetched.

The warnings about food on WeChat are endless, no thanks to the constant food safety scandals that plague modern China. But the scare tactics don't end with questionable food. Beware of your favorite high tech item—the iPhone. Did you know that if you use your phone while it's charging, you run the risk of being electrocuted? I have to admit, I momentarily fell for this one when I opened the link I received from Ming's aunt. The photos were quite convincing. 

beware of a charging cell phone!

But then I thought about it for a minute. Wouldn't I also run the risk of getting electrocuted by my Macbook when I use it while it was charging? That couldn't be. After some digging (a quick google search), I found that this hoax is an oldie, dating back over a decade. Turns out, the chances of getting electrocuted while using a charging cell phone are next to none. If you are curious, check it out on snopes.

This is all a bit concerning to me, mostly because many Chinese people do rely heavily on social media for news and information. In fact, I recently read a Time Out survey that found that it is their primary source for news. Most westerners tend to get their news from a variety of sources. But with state run media and a heavily policed internet, most Chinese don't have the luxury. Instead of watching BBC news and reading a Newsweek, many of my Chinese friends and family are doing what I did back in high school. . . unsuspectingly forwarding hoaxes to everyone they know.

What do you think? Is this sort of thing harmless or a problem? Have you ever fallen for an internet hoax or scam?

Work without pay

William wearing Ming's winter work hat

I recently read another blogger's eye-opening post on what it's like to work for a Japanese company. Basically, it sounds awful and made me feel really grateful that I've never had the displeasure of working for a Japanese company. It also made me realize that, after a decade in China, I don't even have any concrete experience working in a Chinese company. I spent some time working for the local high school when I first came to Chengde, as well as working for a foreign-run educational company while in Beijing, but I've never been an actual salary(wo)man.

Since I have such little experience, I can't write a lot about what it's like to be a foreigner working in China. I can, however, detail the frustrations of what it's like to be a foreign married to a working Chinese man. I prefer not to divulge my husband's exact job, but let's compare it to a US postal worker. It's the kind of job in which you are employed by the government and serve the people. It's the kind of job that leaves little room for promotion but lots of stability and security. And as with most jobs in China, it's also the kind of job that means your time off is not necessarily yours do with as you please.

a class where I taught high school in Chengde, 2005

My brief stint as a high school teacher did reveal the former, but at the time I was young and optimistic enough not to care. I happily agreed to last minute English department dinners, spending the weekend judging English competitions, and tutoring my boss's friend's daughter (for free! Though at the end of our sessions I was given a knock-off Louis Vuitton scarf so it was almost worth it). Now that I'm older and more schooled in life, on principle I don't find this sort of slave labor acceptable, though maybe I should as it seems pretty much part and parcel of working in China.

My husband has it much worse than I ever had. Most of my mandatory work extracurriculars were pretty entertaining. Despite my current grumpiness and displeasure towards working off the clock, I could probably be talked into more departmental dinners. The exotic food (think 1000 year eggs and chicken's feet) and baijiu always puts some color into an otherwise mundane day. Ming doesn't get to have fun, free meals. Instead, he often has to sit through boring meetings on his day off. He has to go to Beijing for various reasons, all of which I won't list off here, but most recently he's been summoned there for three days to undergo his annual physical.

This is extremely irritating for a number of reasons. Firstly, I find it ridiculous that they require all the workers to go to Beijing to have a physical when it could just as easily be done at one of the hospitals in Chengde. My husband and I have a list of theories why they must trek to Beijing--most likely, the higher-ups at his job have some sort of guanxi (relationship) with that particular hospital. I wouldn't be that bothered about him going to Beijing though, if he were being paid for it. He is not. The time he spends there is time he would otherwise spend at home with his family.

I also get upset that these sort of things pop up at the most inopportune moments, often last minute, with no regard for prior plans or engagements. As will be the case this year, last year Ming had his physical in late March. I was nervous about him leaving as it left me home alone, in a foreign country, with my grade school-aged step-daughter, 9 months pregnant. This year the situation isn't quite as dire, though I do have plans for March 29th, the day, we have just been informed, of his physical. Luckily, Ming managed to convince his boss to move up the date, but it will mean he has to use one of his vacation days for the trip (again, extremely irritating).

The annual Beijing physical is just an example of what goes on. Ming has had to leave nearly once a month for much of recent memory. And the situation is even worse for many workers. Most of my students' parents, especially their dads, are gone frequently. In many of their families, it seems like the dad is away on business more than he is home. Some kids frequently stay with grandparents because their parents are both out-of-town for work. I know my situation could be much worse, but I sometimes get hung up on the unfairness of it.

What about you? Have you ever felt like you were overworked or underpaid?

Back from the USA

Willam and Ping at Zoo Atlanta

We've been back from the US for over two weeks. The trip back was much easier than the trip there. William had grown up a lot in the five weeks we were away. He was less fussy and fell asleep more easily. I had a lot more travel-with-baby experience under my belt which made me more confident. I also had a very hellish trip down to Atlanta (never again Spirit Airlines, never again) which made any subsequent travel, even a 14 hour flight from O'Hare to Peking, seem like a piece of cake.

I'm over the jet lag. I've readjusted to eating Chinese food (though I still miss eating the luscious desserts, myriad cheeses, and microbrews of my homeland). I am, more-or-less, back on track. But being back in China is hard. I knew it would be. I miss the freedom I had in America. I was able to mother my baby without the input of random strangers, without the constant fussing of my mother-in-law, and without my husband's frequent anxiety. For the first time, I truly felt like a mom. It was ten months over due.

Ping experiencing Lake Michigan

And it wasn't just the freedom I loved. I reveled in the convenience. As a mother, I can now truly appreciate the wonder of drive thru banking. While I'm embarrassed to admit it, we also cruised the Starbucks (and McDonald's) drive thru a few times. The ease of transporting a baby in a car was awesome and he was safe and sound in a carseat (which have yet to catch on much in China). I also could opt for a stroller over a sling. I don't have this option when I go out alone with William in Chengde as I can't get out of my apartment building alone with the baby with a stroller. I'm not strong enough to carry a 25 pound baby plus 25 pound stroller down six flights of stairs. Even if I was built like the hulk, there is an obstacle course of cars parked on sidewalks, gravel roads, and steps everywhere we go. In the US, you get ramps! elevators! stroller parking! It was a nice break from having to psych myself up for any outings, like I tend to have to do in Chengde.

William and Ping at World of Coca-Cola, Atlanta

As for our itinerary, we spent most of our time split between my hometown of Milwaukee and visiting my best friend and her family who live near Atlanta. We also took a little road trip with my dad and visited my brother's family in Minnesota. I took the kids to a lot of cool places, my favorite being Georgia Aquarium and Ping's favorite being the World of Coca-Cola (where you can try hundreds of sodas from all over the world! You can't put a price on that!) tied with Minnesota where she got to experience sledding, ice fishing, and doing donuts on the middle of a frozen lake. I couldn't have asked for a better trip. While I realize returning to the US to live will be full of many challenges and can't be compared to a five week visit, I am more certain than ever that we will be moving back before the end of this year.

Sleepy William and Silly Ping @Starbucks on Valentine's Day

Dealing with death while away

One of the hardest aspects of living far from home has been leaving my grandparents. I've felt a bit of sadness saying good-bye to friends and family, but with my grandpa and grandma it has always been much harder. When I'd pull out of their driveway, usually a day or two before my return flight to China, I'd always wonder if it was the last time. I would say a little prayer that they would stay in good health and that before long I'd be pulling into their driveway again, hopping out of my car, and opening the front door of a home I've been visiting nearly all my life. But sadly, life and death go on and things never stay quite the same.

My grandpa's health declined shortly after I moved to China. I think he was suffering from dementia, and while he wasn't the same grandpa I grew up with, there was still comfort in seeing him even if he wasn't exactly sure of who I was. Whenever I came home, I'd visit him and my grandma, still living in a fantasy that things hadn't really changed. Then one Christmas in China, several years ago, I finished exchanging gifts with Ming and Ping. I checked my email, blissfully unaware of the bomb that was about to blow up my world. "Hope you have a nice Christmas," began the email from my cousin, "but I have some bad news about grandpa," she continued.

He was dying; it was kidney failure. His time was limited to mere days, not weeks or months or any amount of time that allowed me to prepare. All I had time to do was act, and I did, I decided to book a flight home as soon as possible. I flew back a few days later, arriving on the eve of my 26th birthday. My friends picked me up from the airport and we went out for cocktails. I tried to push the feeling of impeding doom to the back of my mind.

The next morning, my birthday, I woke up early and called my grandma. Before I got to say much of anything, she broke the bad news.

"I'm sorry, Rose. You just missed him. Grandpa passed away this morning."

I was devastated. I had come all that way and missed my chance to say good-bye, to hold his hand, to let him know that I was there for the darkest hour. I cursed myself for not going immediately to the hospital once I had arrived. But then slowly I began to accept. I was still going to have my chance to say good-bye. Maybe it wasn't the ideal way or how I had imagined things would end, but life and death usually don't go how you expect them to.

Looking back, I'm really grateful that I had the time and money to go home when my grandpa passed away. It provided a lot of closure to attend his funeral and to reminisce about him with my family.

Recently, I found out that my grandma is terminally ill with cancer. The situation is completely different. My 90-year-old grandma is with it. Her mind is clear. Until recently she was still driving and going for daily walks at the mall. While it shouldn't come as such a surprise, to learn her days are numbered is hard to fathom. Part of me was beginning to believe she might out live us all. But once again, I'm trying my best to make my peace with it. To enjoy what time is left and find a way to say good-bye.

Grandma, Grandpa and I (1985ish)

I'm writing this as encouragement for anyone who lives far away from loved ones and may struggle with leaving those who are old or ill. It can be scary to leave, I know. I've done it over and over again. You may lose someone close to you and the longer you are away the more inevitable that will become. Try to be prepared to say good-bye, perhaps in a way different than you imagined. If you are lucky enough to be able to go home to do it, I encourage you to. If not, find a way to seek closure through looking through photos, reminiscing, performing a ritual, or some sort of memorial. I think this can be one of the hardest things to cope with while living far from home and one that is rarely talked about. Please feel free to express your feelings or experiences in the comments.

traveling abroad with kids (from China)

Family bathrooms are awesome, for reasons such as this!

We've been in the US for several days now and I'm still trying to get my bearings. Anyone who has ever gone home after living far away probably knows how hectic it can be. Leading up to the trip are all the preparations, then there is the traveling itself (which can be exhausting), and then dealing with jet lag. Of course you want to see everyone and do everything and there just aren't enough hours in a day! I've been wanting to post this for some time. Here are my tips for managing and surviving an international trip (particularly from China) with kids:

1. Apply for passports early. In China, it should take 2 weeks to receive your child's Chinese passport as long as s/he already has a hukou (household registration). Be sure to check what documents you'll need before applying at the local PSB. I believe we needed his birth certificate, hukou, proof of holder of the household registration (this is a special document that the head of the household should have) and photos. The same goes for you if applying for your child's passport at your embassy. The documents needed are very specific. The US Embassy has about a two week turnaround time for passports. You have to apply and pick-up in person, though you can have someone pick-up on your behalf.

2. Apply for visas early. If your child is traveling on a Chinese visa you'll need to apply for a visa for the country you'll be visiting. US visas can now be issued quite quickly, sometimes within a week, but you can't be sure. Give yourself ample time. It took us about a month, though we could have had it done more quickly if we lived in Beijing or had the time to make quick trips there. If your child is traveling out of China on a newly issued foreign passport, you'll need an exit visa in order for him/her to clear Chinese immigration. This has to be applied for at the PSB where the Chinese parent's hukou is registered (his or her "hometown").

3. Purchase flights early. If you can (though I didn't), get your flights sooner rather than later. This can particularly helpful if traveling with a baby.You might need to call the airline to request seats and you can even request a bassinet on most international flights (free of charge, good for babies up to about 10 kilos or 22 pounds).  We flew United and they were very helpful. I called the airline to request bulkhead seats with a bassinet. There are only a few places on an airline where they can place a bassinet so it is a good idea to request one early. I found a lot of good information on Gypsy Momma about the pros and cons of sitting bulkhead and using a bassinet. For us, I think it was the best option, though William was a tight fit in the crib! FYI: lap infants (kids under 2 who don't have their own seat) travel for free on domestic flights in many countries. For international trips, you might want to budget about 10-20% of an adult fare.

4. Bring a stroller or a sling. A stroller can be checked (for free) at the gate, though I believe that some airlines may have restrictions on what kind/size of stroller is allowed. I rarely use a stroller in China because I find it too cumbersome. I generally go with a sling, which is what I used at the airport. From what I read, most airport security will NOT require you to remove your baby from the sling while passing through security, although in Beijing airport they did make me take him out (which was pretty annoying. Security is stressful enough as it is!).

5. Bring toys for the kiddos. I guess this should be obvious; bring age appropriate toys for your kids. It's a long flight and it's hard to predict how much they will sleep. William slept like a baby. Ping slept one hour on a 13 hour, red eye flight. I am glad I let her bring her cell phone to play on because the movies on the plane were a bit crap.

6. Bring food for your baby. You can bring pureed or liquid baby food on your flight. You can also bring breast milk and a cooler. Breast pumps should not count as hand luggage since they are considered medical equipment. I am no longer nursing, but if you are and need special accommodation (especially if you need to pump or transport breast milk) be sure to call the airline and they can help you out. On flights to the US from China they do NOT let you bring ANY liquids (even water from the airport concourse) on board with the exception of pre-made formula or breast milk. The flight attendants will help you with whatever water you need once you are on the plane.

7. Make use of family bathrooms and other family friendly options. Now that I have a baby, I understand what an absolute blessing family bathrooms are. I was really excited that they had them all over Beijing airport. If you are traveling alone with a baby or small children, they are especially wonderful because they have special equipment for kids to use the toilet or for you to place the baby while you go about your business. Some airports have play areas and may have rooms for nursing mothers. Be sure to ask about what's available for families. These little conveniences can be godsends!

8. Be prepared for jet lag. If you've traveled internationally, you may know how hard it is to overcome jet lag. It can be just as hard for kids. Ping is still struggling to get on schedule. William, on the other hand, had a horrible first night (probably the worst night he's had in his life) filled with screaming, crying, and looking around in fits of terror. But he's been back to normal ever since overcoming that first, tortuous night. You can't predict how anyone is going to deal with a time change or even a change in environment. Obviously, it's important to be flexible. I would also prepare yourself mentally for a few tough nights. If you have a baby or young children, try your best to sleep or rest when they are sleeping. Be patient. Eventually their sleeping and eating will be back on track, as will yours.

I'm sure there are lots of other good tips for international travel with little ones. If you have any to add, please share! I'll try to post more info about our trip when I get a chance. We are heading from Milwaukee to Atlanta over the weekend. At least that's only a two hour flight!

William relaxing at Starbucks.

First trip abroad

We're headed to (the United States of) America! And much sooner than initially planned. Ping's core exams (Chinese, Math, and English) are on Monday. After that she is free on winter break until the beginning of March. Next Friday, with bags packed, we will be on a direct flight to Chicago. I've wanted this for such a long time I almost can't believe it will happen.

As excited as I am, I think Ping is more so. It's interesting to view this trip through a 10-year-old Chinese child's eyes. She has already come up with some great questions, such as “Where does the stuff go when you flush a toilet on an airplane?” (answer: I don't exactly know and prefer not to think about it.) and “Can we go swimming in the lake?” (answer: Only if you are a polar bear, dear.). 

My first trip overseas, 2004

Ping is a lucky girl. I didn't get to travel internationally until I was in college. My first trip was to Ireland to visit one of my close friends who was studying abroad in Galway. I was incredibly nervous before I left. I couldn't imagine what life would be like in another country. Looking back, it's funny that I was worried at all. Ireland was the perfect country to get a taste of foreign travel. While it's certainly different from the US, the differences aren't dearly as stark as, say, China. The food is familiar, the language is (more or less) the same, and the people are friendly. It's also stunningly beautiful and not at all overwhelming.

I can tell Ping is a little apprehensive about some aspects of going to another country. I told her that many of my friends have children she can play with and she also has cousins. Among the kids she is oldest and as such is lǎodà (老大, the boss). Still she asked how well the other children speak English.

"Very well, of course; they are American," I explained to her.

"How about the two-year-old?" she inquired about her youngest cousin.

"Yeah, she can speak okay," I replied.

"I think I'll just hang out with her," Ping decided, assuming that would be easiest.

I think the language might be the biggest shock and I'm glad she's already giving some thought to it. I was naively optimistic about languages differences on my first trip to a non-English speaking country. During that same trip to Ireland, my friend surprised me with a round-trip ticket to Paris. My dream come true! And I was even studying French at university! I could use my newly acquired skills to flag down taxis, book hotel rooms, and order baguettes! Yeah, right. . . it didn't go down quite like that. Instead, I ended up sobbing in the Louvre when I got yelled at by a worker in a strange language that I thought I understood but clearly did not.

My first trip abroad was a mixed bag of emotions, but certainly one of the best experiences of my life. Obviously it left a lasting impression on me as I haven't stopped traveling since. I hope that Ping will enjoy herself despite the difficulties she encounters.

Have you ever been overseas? What was your first trip abroad like? Did you have to deal with language differences? How did you cope?

baby passport and visa woes

This is a bit of a long post which details some of the issues surrounding having a baby in China and how it relates to passports, visas, and nationality. Hope this info and my experience might be helpful to others as there is not a lot of information online about this topic.


This past week I celebrated my birthday, which is sadly sandwiched between Christmas and New Year's. Having a birthday around the holidays means that presents and well-wishes are often lost in the shuffle. As a kid, I sometimes felt a bit bummed about being overlooked, but now that I'm an adult, I don't mind that much. I was actually shocked at the number of people who emailed/called/wechatted me on my birthday this year—I felt loved. Thanks guys!


Last year I spent my birthday celebrating by holding my annual Christmas party. This year, things were much different; the family took a last minute trip to the big city. This was not how I wanted to spend my birthday or any other day, really. I was hoping to avoid taking William to Beijing until he was a bit older, but the US Embassy had different plans for us.

Ping and William out to dinner in Beijing

I've been planning on taking both Ping and William to the US to visit for a few months now. Everyone is excited to meet them both and I am desperate for a visit. Ming has a big advocate for this trip as he thinks it best for baby William to spend Chinese New Year outside of China, or at the very least, away from Chengde. You see, the weeks leading up to and winding down from the Chinese New Year are very noisy here. Some days there are fireworks and firecrackers sounding from early morning until late at night. I have always hated the noise, but I'm sure it is exponentially more aggravating when caring for an infant.


So it was settled, the kids would go to America with me for a month over the holiday, as long as we could arrange their visas. Since they are both under the age of 14, they didn't have to interview for a tourist visa. In early December, I dropped off their applications and Chinese passports at a CITIC Bank (the embassy doesn't accept drop-offs directly) and crossed my fingers—with any luck the kids would have visas within a week. . . but when have I have been lucky when it comes to visas?

William at Fatburger

When Ming picked up their passports last week, they where empty. Instead of visas, Ping and William each got a piece of paper requesting an “interview with parents.” Great. We needed to take an eight-month-old in to the embassy for an interview. I tried to stay positive. At least we live close to Beijing. At least I'd get to go to Starbucks (I know, I'm pathetic). Still, the logistics of such a trip with a baby were tricky. We decided it would be easiest to take an unlicensed taxi to Beijing since we don't have a car. The taxi ended up being a van which I can now fully appreciate, being a mom. It was a comfortable ride (distance: 250 km, time: 2.5 hours, cost: 600 rmb or US$100). We got dropped off near the embassy and had a lunch (mmm, Fatburger, a stone's throw from the embassy) before our appointment time.


As always, the US Embassy was swarming with people. We skipped the entire line of locals while Ping commented loudly, “Wow! My mom is awesome! We can skip all these people!” I could feel the glares of a hundred pairs of eyes bearing into our backs while I said a little prayer that we wouldn't get sent to the end of the line. We weren't. And once we got inside we were allowed to skip the queue there as well. I'm not sure it was the power of my being a US citizen or the fact that we had a baby. It doesn't matter. It was awesome.


We interviewed briefly with an officer. It was not as I expected; I felt like I was at the bank talking to a teller. Ming said that when he had his K-1 visa interview in Guangzhou the situation was much more serious. He sat down with an officer and there were armed personnel around. I guess they don't bring out the big guns for tourist visas. Our experience in Beijing was pretty relaxed and we informed on the spot that the visas would be issued. But at this point you might be wondering, why did we even both getting William a US visa? Is he an American or what? Fair enough, William's nationality is a frequent topic of conversation. In case you are interested, I will lay the details out here—this could be of use for anyone who is thinking of having children in China.


William, currently, is Chinese. China DOES NOT recognize dual citizenship (although the US and many, MANY other countries do—why China?! Why????). Since he was born in China, William is a de facto Chinese citizen. We applied for his Chinese hukou (household registration) shortly after his birth. Having a Chinese hukou will allow William to have access to public schooling and certain health care benefits should we stay in China longterm. This fall, we also applied for his Chinese passport. Both his hukou and passport list his Chinese name, though his birth certificate holds his English name. Some hospitals will agree to this, but if they don't and insist on a Chinese name, no fear. There is a form you can fill out (with the US Embassy and I'd assume other countries have something similar) requesting the child's non-Chinese name on his or her non-Chinese passport.

William's first subway ride 

Since we had to take a trip to the embassy, we decided we might as well try to get William a US passport. I wasn't sure of there would be an issue considering we were also there to apply for his US visa, but the workers at the embassy were compassionate and helpful (as always). Now the next burning question, Why didn't you just get William a US passport and circumvent all this US visa business?


The answer is complicated and definitely something you should give some thought to if you happen to give birth in China. Firstly, our local PSB (a branch of the police) have been somewhat adamant in their stance that they will not recognize William's foreign passport. According to them, any person born to a Chinese citizen, no matter where in the world they are born, is Chinese. Why a country with such a huge over-population problem would be so rigid in this belief is beyond me. Regardless, I have been assured by the US Embassy in Beijing, they do actually have to recognize his foreign passport—but I don't want to kick up a fuss with the local police until I know we are out of here for good. Most likely, other PSBs are more well-versed to dealing with these matters and won't put up such a stink.


The next, related issue is that if we want William to exit China using that passport, we have to apply for an exit visa. William cannot leave China on an empty US passport and we must obtain the exit visa from the PSB where my husband's hukou is registered (in our case, Chengde). Moreover, William cannot return to China on an American passport without a special travel permit. That permit has to be obtained at the Chinese Embassy or Consulate in the foreign parent's region. In our case, it would be in Chicago. In the end, we decided it would cause less trouble if we had William travel on a Chinese passport for now. I had to laugh when the officer interviewing us at the embassy pondered, “I don't know whose bureaucracy is worse, China or America?” To me, the answer is obvious.


If you, by chance, do have a baby in China and this topic is a matter of concern for you, there are some great posts by Ember Swift (check out Traveling Visa Circus: Part One and Part Two) and on nama mama's blog. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me if you need any more information.



Anyone care to air their visa grievances? Please do share!

trip to the clinic

entrance to clinic which is part of apartment complex

William still hasn't full kicked his cold or, more likely, he caught another one. To help ease his cough and throat, he continues to use a nebulizer. Instead of going to the nearby hospital to use it, we decided to take him into our neighborhood clinic. As far as I know, every neighborhood (housing complex) in China has its own clinic. Ours is run by a husband and wife, who are a doctor and nurse (adorable!). They provide basic care such as administering IVs (probably their most popular service), taking blood pressure, and prescribing medicine.

Whenever I go to the clinic, there is a little old granny roaming around. She must be the mother of either the husband or wife. As a typical old Chinese lady, she loves to chat. Unfortunately, I usually don't feel much like talking when I am out with William, especially when we are alone. I feel worn down by the constant comments, criticisms, and advice strangers feel the need to dole upon us (me). While in America I often like talking with strangers and am somewhat outgoing, in China I often find myself avoiding eye contact, hoping to (please, just this once,) be left alone.

As the elderly woman approached, I sang to William. I hoped this would be a clear enough indicator that I was busy and not up for conversation. Of course, my silly western social cues were lost on her and it just fueled her desire to comment.

“Us grown-ups can't understand you, how can he understand you?” she pondered.

Sigh. While this is certainly flawed logic, I can somewhat understand it. When I first came to China I was momentarily confused when I heard people speaking to their dogs in Chinese. I didn't know what the owner was saying, so how could a puppy possibly understand? But a moment later I realized that obviously an animal learns commands in whatever language it's trained in. Babies are no different, but I didn't feel like explaining this to an old lady. She should have been able to figure it out on her own. So instead, I just smiled and continued singing.

Before long, William started to fuss. Nothing major, just a little squirming. The wife (nurse) rushed over to distract him. You'd think I'd be happy for the help, but I knew what was coming. Sure enough, before long she said to him gently, “Your mom can't handle you.”

I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears. I can't handle him? Was she trying to say I was inept? An unfit mother? Or my child was too unruly? What, exactly, was she insinuating?

“An eight-month-old fusses from having to sit still for 25 minutes doing a nebulizer and YOU have the AUDACITY to say I CAN'T HANDLE HIM,” I wanted to scream. But didn't. I don't know the Chinese word for audacity (but I do now know the word for nebulizer).

But it didn't end there. As I talked and sang to William, trying to get him to relax, the nurse cooed to him sweetly, “Aww, grandma's not here today. There's no one to talk to you.”

I was willing to excuse the 90-year-old woman for her similar comment, but a middle-aged lady should know better. Just because you don't understand the words I'm saying, doesn't mean I'm not talking. But at that moment, I let the wave of anger pass over me. They obviously weren't saying these ridiculous comments in an attempt to hurt me. I kept singing. One day William will be bilingual and he'll be able to speak for himself, in both English and Mandarin.

Have you ever had a frustrating experience due to language differences? How did you deal with it?

I won't be home for Christmas

William with my stocking

Homesickness. . . it's something I never really suffered from until the birth of William. Now that the holiday season has arrived, I have to work extra hard not to be overwhelmed by it.

coloring contest

I've missed nearly a decade's worth of Christmases without much too much regret. I've actually somewhat enjoyed celebrating the holidays on my own terms. In China, particularly in Chengde, Christmas can pass without much notice. Though it's gaining some popularity in recent years, Chinese people don't celebrate the holiday in any traditional sense. There are decorations here and there, some that remain throughout the entire year. Even my favorite cafe, whose boss is normally so well in tune with Western habits and festivities, has had a Christmas tree in her shop since last December. Sometimes I hear Christmas music, but it may be in July or January.

making cookies

Clearly, Christmas is mine do with as I please; unlike in the US, in China there are no expectations. Since returning to Chengde in 2008, I've made a point to go all out for the holiday. I decorate our home with Christmas decorations, some of which date from my childhood, others left behind from other foreigners over the years. I buy presents for Ping, pretending to be Santa, though Ming's mom has given me away numerous times when she says, “Thank your mom for all the nice presents she got you!” (The concept of Santa seems to be lost on her, an elderly Chinese woman). I also spend over a week baking, having each one of my students make a different cookie with me. At the end of the week, I throw a Christmas party for all of my students, at which we sample all the different cookies. We also play a variety of games such as Pin the Nose on the Rudolph and White Elephant gift exchange.

some of the treats

Getting ready for Christmas this year has been just the distraction I needed. Last Sunday I threw my party, with18 kids and 21 different holiday treats to sample. A part of me did feel sad that this might be the last year I host such a party since there's a good chance we'll be in the US during the next holiday season. My Christmas Party has become infamous among students (they start talking about it in June) and it's a tradition I manage to create all on my own. But as with so many things, it's something I'll have to leave behind when we move. But I guess that's okay, I'm sure we'll forge new traditions back in the US.

What about you, have you spent the holidays away from home? Does it make you feel homesick?

decorating the tree

Christmas Eve apples

A year or two ago, I was discussing the custom of Christmas trees with one of my students. I had never given much thought to the tradition, so it was interesting to see how a person unfamiliar with the ritual viewed it.

“Do most people have Christmas trees in their homes?” she asked me.

“Yes, most people do,” I answered, not delving into the complexities of the religious aspect of it.

“So how long do you keep the tree?” she further questioned.

“Everyone is different, maybe a month,” I explained.

“Is it a real tree?”

“Some people have fake trees. Many people buy real ones,” I told her.

“What do you do with the tree after Christmas?”

“We throw it away.”

She stared at me incredulously, “Isn't that a bit of a waste?!”

“Hmm. I suppose it is. . . . I think they make wood chips out of the trees though,” I tried to rationalize.

wrapped apples

I thought more about it. Christmas trees are wasteful, but I couldn't imagine the holidays without one, so I find the waste excusable. But do you know what kind of holiday waste I do not find acceptable? Dozens of sheets of tissue paper used to wrap a rotten apple. For those of you who do not live in China, let me explain. . .

students picking out paper for apple wrapping

There is an odd Chinese tradition, on Christmas Eve, for local children to exchange apples. The reason for this relates to the Chinese word for Christmas Eve, 平安夜 (píng'ān yè), which literally translated means “peaceful night.” The first character, pronounced píng, is a homophone for the first character in the Chinese word for apple (苹果, píngguǒ). Years ago, some clever Chinese fruit seller must have figured that this word play would be a great way to cash in on a foreign holiday most Chinese people know little about—naturally, on Christmas Eve you must exchange apples! Most of my students assume this is a foreign tradition and are surprised to learn I had never heard of it before coming to China. For some of my more advanced students, I try to explain that this custom must have roots in China as Christmas Eve and apple are homophones in Mandarin, not in English or other foreign languages (that I know of).

 Over the years, I've seen the tradition of giving apples grow more and more excessive. The apples are often wrapped in layers upon layers of tissue paper and cellophane. They are decorated with ribbons, bows, and even tiny teddy bears. They are often sold for ridiculous sums of money. Even in Chengde, you can find an intricately wrapped apple for upwards of 60 rmb (US$10). It seems like an awful waste of paper and the worst part is, since the apple is often wrapped in advanced, the buyer has no idea of its quality. Inevitably, you are giving someone the gift of a half rotten apple and a bunch of colorful paper she will just throw in the trash.

My students like me too much (or don't like me enough?) to give me a rotten apple for Christmas. That's great, as it's a gift I'd rather not receive.

What about you, what's the worst gift you've ever gotten?