Back from the USA

Willam and Ping at Zoo Atlanta

We've been back from the US for over two weeks. The trip back was much easier than the trip there. William had grown up a lot in the five weeks we were away. He was less fussy and fell asleep more easily. I had a lot more travel-with-baby experience under my belt which made me more confident. I also had a very hellish trip down to Atlanta (never again Spirit Airlines, never again) which made any subsequent travel, even a 14 hour flight from O'Hare to Peking, seem like a piece of cake.

I'm over the jet lag. I've readjusted to eating Chinese food (though I still miss eating the luscious desserts, myriad cheeses, and microbrews of my homeland). I am, more-or-less, back on track. But being back in China is hard. I knew it would be. I miss the freedom I had in America. I was able to mother my baby without the input of random strangers, without the constant fussing of my mother-in-law, and without my husband's frequent anxiety. For the first time, I truly felt like a mom. It was ten months over due.

Ping experiencing Lake Michigan

And it wasn't just the freedom I loved. I reveled in the convenience. As a mother, I can now truly appreciate the wonder of drive thru banking. While I'm embarrassed to admit it, we also cruised the Starbucks (and McDonald's) drive thru a few times. The ease of transporting a baby in a car was awesome and he was safe and sound in a carseat (which have yet to catch on much in China). I also could opt for a stroller over a sling. I don't have this option when I go out alone with William in Chengde as I can't get out of my apartment building alone with the baby with a stroller. I'm not strong enough to carry a 25 pound baby plus 25 pound stroller down six flights of stairs. Even if I was built like the hulk, there is an obstacle course of cars parked on sidewalks, gravel roads, and steps everywhere we go. In the US, you get ramps! elevators! stroller parking! It was a nice break from having to psych myself up for any outings, like I tend to have to do in Chengde.

William and Ping at World of Coca-Cola, Atlanta

As for our itinerary, we spent most of our time split between my hometown of Milwaukee and visiting my best friend and her family who live near Atlanta. We also took a little road trip with my dad and visited my brother's family in Minnesota. I took the kids to a lot of cool places, my favorite being Georgia Aquarium and Ping's favorite being the World of Coca-Cola (where you can try hundreds of sodas from all over the world! You can't put a price on that!) tied with Minnesota where she got to experience sledding, ice fishing, and doing donuts on the middle of a frozen lake. I couldn't have asked for a better trip. While I realize returning to the US to live will be full of many challenges and can't be compared to a five week visit, I am more certain than ever that we will be moving back before the end of this year.

Sleepy William and Silly Ping @Starbucks on Valentine's Day

Dealing with death while away

One of the hardest aspects of living far from home has been leaving my grandparents. I've felt a bit of sadness saying good-bye to friends and family, but with my grandpa and grandma it has always been much harder. When I'd pull out of their driveway, usually a day or two before my return flight to China, I'd always wonder if it was the last time. I would say a little prayer that they would stay in good health and that before long I'd be pulling into their driveway again, hopping out of my car, and opening the front door of a home I've been visiting nearly all my life. But sadly, life and death go on and things never stay quite the same.

My grandpa's health declined shortly after I moved to China. I think he was suffering from dementia, and while he wasn't the same grandpa I grew up with, there was still comfort in seeing him even if he wasn't exactly sure of who I was. Whenever I came home, I'd visit him and my grandma, still living in a fantasy that things hadn't really changed. Then one Christmas in China, several years ago, I finished exchanging gifts with Ming and Ping. I checked my email, blissfully unaware of the bomb that was about to blow up my world. "Hope you have a nice Christmas," began the email from my cousin, "but I have some bad news about grandpa," she continued.

He was dying; it was kidney failure. His time was limited to mere days, not weeks or months or any amount of time that allowed me to prepare. All I had time to do was act, and I did, I decided to book a flight home as soon as possible. I flew back a few days later, arriving on the eve of my 26th birthday. My friends picked me up from the airport and we went out for cocktails. I tried to push the feeling of impeding doom to the back of my mind.

The next morning, my birthday, I woke up early and called my grandma. Before I got to say much of anything, she broke the bad news.

"I'm sorry, Rose. You just missed him. Grandpa passed away this morning."

I was devastated. I had come all that way and missed my chance to say good-bye, to hold his hand, to let him know that I was there for the darkest hour. I cursed myself for not going immediately to the hospital once I had arrived. But then slowly I began to accept. I was still going to have my chance to say good-bye. Maybe it wasn't the ideal way or how I had imagined things would end, but life and death usually don't go how you expect them to.

Looking back, I'm really grateful that I had the time and money to go home when my grandpa passed away. It provided a lot of closure to attend his funeral and to reminisce about him with my family.

Recently, I found out that my grandma is terminally ill with cancer. The situation is completely different. My 90-year-old grandma is with it. Her mind is clear. Until recently she was still driving and going for daily walks at the mall. While it shouldn't come as such a surprise, to learn her days are numbered is hard to fathom. Part of me was beginning to believe she might out live us all. But once again, I'm trying my best to make my peace with it. To enjoy what time is left and find a way to say good-bye.

Grandma, Grandpa and I (1985ish)

I'm writing this as encouragement for anyone who lives far away from loved ones and may struggle with leaving those who are old or ill. It can be scary to leave, I know. I've done it over and over again. You may lose someone close to you and the longer you are away the more inevitable that will become. Try to be prepared to say good-bye, perhaps in a way different than you imagined. If you are lucky enough to be able to go home to do it, I encourage you to. If not, find a way to seek closure through looking through photos, reminiscing, performing a ritual, or some sort of memorial. I think this can be one of the hardest things to cope with while living far from home and one that is rarely talked about. Please feel free to express your feelings or experiences in the comments.

traveling abroad with kids (from China)

Family bathrooms are awesome, for reasons such as this!

We've been in the US for several days now and I'm still trying to get my bearings. Anyone who has ever gone home after living far away probably knows how hectic it can be. Leading up to the trip are all the preparations, then there is the traveling itself (which can be exhausting), and then dealing with jet lag. Of course you want to see everyone and do everything and there just aren't enough hours in a day! I've been wanting to post this for some time. Here are my tips for managing and surviving an international trip (particularly from China) with kids:

1. Apply for passports early. In China, it should take 2 weeks to receive your child's Chinese passport as long as s/he already has a hukou (household registration). Be sure to check what documents you'll need before applying at the local PSB. I believe we needed his birth certificate, hukou, proof of holder of the household registration (this is a special document that the head of the household should have) and photos. The same goes for you if applying for your child's passport at your embassy. The documents needed are very specific. The US Embassy has about a two week turnaround time for passports. You have to apply and pick-up in person, though you can have someone pick-up on your behalf.

2. Apply for visas early. If your child is traveling on a Chinese visa you'll need to apply for a visa for the country you'll be visiting. US visas can now be issued quite quickly, sometimes within a week, but you can't be sure. Give yourself ample time. It took us about a month, though we could have had it done more quickly if we lived in Beijing or had the time to make quick trips there. If your child is traveling out of China on a newly issued foreign passport, you'll need an exit visa in order for him/her to clear Chinese immigration. This has to be applied for at the PSB where the Chinese parent's hukou is registered (his or her "hometown").

3. Purchase flights early. If you can (though I didn't), get your flights sooner rather than later. This can particularly helpful if traveling with a baby.You might need to call the airline to request seats and you can even request a bassinet on most international flights (free of charge, good for babies up to about 10 kilos or 22 pounds).  We flew United and they were very helpful. I called the airline to request bulkhead seats with a bassinet. There are only a few places on an airline where they can place a bassinet so it is a good idea to request one early. I found a lot of good information on Gypsy Momma about the pros and cons of sitting bulkhead and using a bassinet. For us, I think it was the best option, though William was a tight fit in the crib! FYI: lap infants (kids under 2 who don't have their own seat) travel for free on domestic flights in many countries. For international trips, you might want to budget about 10-20% of an adult fare.

4. Bring a stroller or a sling. A stroller can be checked (for free) at the gate, though I believe that some airlines may have restrictions on what kind/size of stroller is allowed. I rarely use a stroller in China because I find it too cumbersome. I generally go with a sling, which is what I used at the airport. From what I read, most airport security will NOT require you to remove your baby from the sling while passing through security, although in Beijing airport they did make me take him out (which was pretty annoying. Security is stressful enough as it is!).

5. Bring toys for the kiddos. I guess this should be obvious; bring age appropriate toys for your kids. It's a long flight and it's hard to predict how much they will sleep. William slept like a baby. Ping slept one hour on a 13 hour, red eye flight. I am glad I let her bring her cell phone to play on because the movies on the plane were a bit crap.

6. Bring food for your baby. You can bring pureed or liquid baby food on your flight. You can also bring breast milk and a cooler. Breast pumps should not count as hand luggage since they are considered medical equipment. I am no longer nursing, but if you are and need special accommodation (especially if you need to pump or transport breast milk) be sure to call the airline and they can help you out. On flights to the US from China they do NOT let you bring ANY liquids (even water from the airport concourse) on board with the exception of pre-made formula or breast milk. The flight attendants will help you with whatever water you need once you are on the plane.

7. Make use of family bathrooms and other family friendly options. Now that I have a baby, I understand what an absolute blessing family bathrooms are. I was really excited that they had them all over Beijing airport. If you are traveling alone with a baby or small children, they are especially wonderful because they have special equipment for kids to use the toilet or for you to place the baby while you go about your business. Some airports have play areas and may have rooms for nursing mothers. Be sure to ask about what's available for families. These little conveniences can be godsends!

8. Be prepared for jet lag. If you've traveled internationally, you may know how hard it is to overcome jet lag. It can be just as hard for kids. Ping is still struggling to get on schedule. William, on the other hand, had a horrible first night (probably the worst night he's had in his life) filled with screaming, crying, and looking around in fits of terror. But he's been back to normal ever since overcoming that first, tortuous night. You can't predict how anyone is going to deal with a time change or even a change in environment. Obviously, it's important to be flexible. I would also prepare yourself mentally for a few tough nights. If you have a baby or young children, try your best to sleep or rest when they are sleeping. Be patient. Eventually their sleeping and eating will be back on track, as will yours.

I'm sure there are lots of other good tips for international travel with little ones. If you have any to add, please share! I'll try to post more info about our trip when I get a chance. We are heading from Milwaukee to Atlanta over the weekend. At least that's only a two hour flight!

William relaxing at Starbucks.

First trip abroad

We're headed to (the United States of) America! And much sooner than initially planned. Ping's core exams (Chinese, Math, and English) are on Monday. After that she is free on winter break until the beginning of March. Next Friday, with bags packed, we will be on a direct flight to Chicago. I've wanted this for such a long time I almost can't believe it will happen.

As excited as I am, I think Ping is more so. It's interesting to view this trip through a 10-year-old Chinese child's eyes. She has already come up with some great questions, such as “Where does the stuff go when you flush a toilet on an airplane?” (answer: I don't exactly know and prefer not to think about it.) and “Can we go swimming in the lake?” (answer: Only if you are a polar bear, dear.). 

My first trip overseas, 2004

Ping is a lucky girl. I didn't get to travel internationally until I was in college. My first trip was to Ireland to visit one of my close friends who was studying abroad in Galway. I was incredibly nervous before I left. I couldn't imagine what life would be like in another country. Looking back, it's funny that I was worried at all. Ireland was the perfect country to get a taste of foreign travel. While it's certainly different from the US, the differences aren't dearly as stark as, say, China. The food is familiar, the language is (more or less) the same, and the people are friendly. It's also stunningly beautiful and not at all overwhelming.

I can tell Ping is a little apprehensive about some aspects of going to another country. I told her that many of my friends have children she can play with and she also has cousins. Among the kids she is oldest and as such is lǎodà (老大, the boss). Still she asked how well the other children speak English.

"Very well, of course; they are American," I explained to her.

"How about the two-year-old?" she inquired about her youngest cousin.

"Yeah, she can speak okay," I replied.

"I think I'll just hang out with her," Ping decided, assuming that would be easiest.

I think the language might be the biggest shock and I'm glad she's already giving some thought to it. I was naively optimistic about languages differences on my first trip to a non-English speaking country. During that same trip to Ireland, my friend surprised me with a round-trip ticket to Paris. My dream come true! And I was even studying French at university! I could use my newly acquired skills to flag down taxis, book hotel rooms, and order baguettes! Yeah, right. . . it didn't go down quite like that. Instead, I ended up sobbing in the Louvre when I got yelled at by a worker in a strange language that I thought I understood but clearly did not.

My first trip abroad was a mixed bag of emotions, but certainly one of the best experiences of my life. Obviously it left a lasting impression on me as I haven't stopped traveling since. I hope that Ping will enjoy herself despite the difficulties she encounters.

Have you ever been overseas? What was your first trip abroad like? Did you have to deal with language differences? How did you cope?

baby passport and visa woes

This is a bit of a long post which details some of the issues surrounding having a baby in China and how it relates to passports, visas, and nationality. Hope this info and my experience might be helpful to others as there is not a lot of information online about this topic.


This past week I celebrated my birthday, which is sadly sandwiched between Christmas and New Year's. Having a birthday around the holidays means that presents and well-wishes are often lost in the shuffle. As a kid, I sometimes felt a bit bummed about being overlooked, but now that I'm an adult, I don't mind that much. I was actually shocked at the number of people who emailed/called/wechatted me on my birthday this year—I felt loved. Thanks guys!


Last year I spent my birthday celebrating by holding my annual Christmas party. This year, things were much different; the family took a last minute trip to the big city. This was not how I wanted to spend my birthday or any other day, really. I was hoping to avoid taking William to Beijing until he was a bit older, but the US Embassy had different plans for us.

Ping and William out to dinner in Beijing

I've been planning on taking both Ping and William to the US to visit for a few months now. Everyone is excited to meet them both and I am desperate for a visit. Ming has a big advocate for this trip as he thinks it best for baby William to spend Chinese New Year outside of China, or at the very least, away from Chengde. You see, the weeks leading up to and winding down from the Chinese New Year are very noisy here. Some days there are fireworks and firecrackers sounding from early morning until late at night. I have always hated the noise, but I'm sure it is exponentially more aggravating when caring for an infant.


So it was settled, the kids would go to America with me for a month over the holiday, as long as we could arrange their visas. Since they are both under the age of 14, they didn't have to interview for a tourist visa. In early December, I dropped off their applications and Chinese passports at a CITIC Bank (the embassy doesn't accept drop-offs directly) and crossed my fingers—with any luck the kids would have visas within a week. . . but when have I have been lucky when it comes to visas?

William at Fatburger

When Ming picked up their passports last week, they where empty. Instead of visas, Ping and William each got a piece of paper requesting an “interview with parents.” Great. We needed to take an eight-month-old in to the embassy for an interview. I tried to stay positive. At least we live close to Beijing. At least I'd get to go to Starbucks (I know, I'm pathetic). Still, the logistics of such a trip with a baby were tricky. We decided it would be easiest to take an unlicensed taxi to Beijing since we don't have a car. The taxi ended up being a van which I can now fully appreciate, being a mom. It was a comfortable ride (distance: 250 km, time: 2.5 hours, cost: 600 rmb or US$100). We got dropped off near the embassy and had a lunch (mmm, Fatburger, a stone's throw from the embassy) before our appointment time.


As always, the US Embassy was swarming with people. We skipped the entire line of locals while Ping commented loudly, “Wow! My mom is awesome! We can skip all these people!” I could feel the glares of a hundred pairs of eyes bearing into our backs while I said a little prayer that we wouldn't get sent to the end of the line. We weren't. And once we got inside we were allowed to skip the queue there as well. I'm not sure it was the power of my being a US citizen or the fact that we had a baby. It doesn't matter. It was awesome.


We interviewed briefly with an officer. It was not as I expected; I felt like I was at the bank talking to a teller. Ming said that when he had his K-1 visa interview in Guangzhou the situation was much more serious. He sat down with an officer and there were armed personnel around. I guess they don't bring out the big guns for tourist visas. Our experience in Beijing was pretty relaxed and we informed on the spot that the visas would be issued. But at this point you might be wondering, why did we even both getting William a US visa? Is he an American or what? Fair enough, William's nationality is a frequent topic of conversation. In case you are interested, I will lay the details out here—this could be of use for anyone who is thinking of having children in China.


William, currently, is Chinese. China DOES NOT recognize dual citizenship (although the US and many, MANY other countries do—why China?! Why????). Since he was born in China, William is a de facto Chinese citizen. We applied for his Chinese hukou (household registration) shortly after his birth. Having a Chinese hukou will allow William to have access to public schooling and certain health care benefits should we stay in China longterm. This fall, we also applied for his Chinese passport. Both his hukou and passport list his Chinese name, though his birth certificate holds his English name. Some hospitals will agree to this, but if they don't and insist on a Chinese name, no fear. There is a form you can fill out (with the US Embassy and I'd assume other countries have something similar) requesting the child's non-Chinese name on his or her non-Chinese passport.

William's first subway ride 

Since we had to take a trip to the embassy, we decided we might as well try to get William a US passport. I wasn't sure of there would be an issue considering we were also there to apply for his US visa, but the workers at the embassy were compassionate and helpful (as always). Now the next burning question, Why didn't you just get William a US passport and circumvent all this US visa business?


The answer is complicated and definitely something you should give some thought to if you happen to give birth in China. Firstly, our local PSB (a branch of the police) have been somewhat adamant in their stance that they will not recognize William's foreign passport. According to them, any person born to a Chinese citizen, no matter where in the world they are born, is Chinese. Why a country with such a huge over-population problem would be so rigid in this belief is beyond me. Regardless, I have been assured by the US Embassy in Beijing, they do actually have to recognize his foreign passport—but I don't want to kick up a fuss with the local police until I know we are out of here for good. Most likely, other PSBs are more well-versed to dealing with these matters and won't put up such a stink.


The next, related issue is that if we want William to exit China using that passport, we have to apply for an exit visa. William cannot leave China on an empty US passport and we must obtain the exit visa from the PSB where my husband's hukou is registered (in our case, Chengde). Moreover, William cannot return to China on an American passport without a special travel permit. That permit has to be obtained at the Chinese Embassy or Consulate in the foreign parent's region. In our case, it would be in Chicago. In the end, we decided it would cause less trouble if we had William travel on a Chinese passport for now. I had to laugh when the officer interviewing us at the embassy pondered, “I don't know whose bureaucracy is worse, China or America?” To me, the answer is obvious.


If you, by chance, do have a baby in China and this topic is a matter of concern for you, there are some great posts by Ember Swift (check out Traveling Visa Circus: Part One and Part Two) and on nama mama's blog. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me if you need any more information.



Anyone care to air their visa grievances? Please do share!

trip to the clinic

entrance to clinic which is part of apartment complex

William still hasn't full kicked his cold or, more likely, he caught another one. To help ease his cough and throat, he continues to use a nebulizer. Instead of going to the nearby hospital to use it, we decided to take him into our neighborhood clinic. As far as I know, every neighborhood (housing complex) in China has its own clinic. Ours is run by a husband and wife, who are a doctor and nurse (adorable!). They provide basic care such as administering IVs (probably their most popular service), taking blood pressure, and prescribing medicine.

Whenever I go to the clinic, there is a little old granny roaming around. She must be the mother of either the husband or wife. As a typical old Chinese lady, she loves to chat. Unfortunately, I usually don't feel much like talking when I am out with William, especially when we are alone. I feel worn down by the constant comments, criticisms, and advice strangers feel the need to dole upon us (me). While in America I often like talking with strangers and am somewhat outgoing, in China I often find myself avoiding eye contact, hoping to (please, just this once,) be left alone.

As the elderly woman approached, I sang to William. I hoped this would be a clear enough indicator that I was busy and not up for conversation. Of course, my silly western social cues were lost on her and it just fueled her desire to comment.

“Us grown-ups can't understand you, how can he understand you?” she pondered.

Sigh. While this is certainly flawed logic, I can somewhat understand it. When I first came to China I was momentarily confused when I heard people speaking to their dogs in Chinese. I didn't know what the owner was saying, so how could a puppy possibly understand? But a moment later I realized that obviously an animal learns commands in whatever language it's trained in. Babies are no different, but I didn't feel like explaining this to an old lady. She should have been able to figure it out on her own. So instead, I just smiled and continued singing.

Before long, William started to fuss. Nothing major, just a little squirming. The wife (nurse) rushed over to distract him. You'd think I'd be happy for the help, but I knew what was coming. Sure enough, before long she said to him gently, “Your mom can't handle you.”

I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears. I can't handle him? Was she trying to say I was inept? An unfit mother? Or my child was too unruly? What, exactly, was she insinuating?

“An eight-month-old fusses from having to sit still for 25 minutes doing a nebulizer and YOU have the AUDACITY to say I CAN'T HANDLE HIM,” I wanted to scream. But didn't. I don't know the Chinese word for audacity (but I do now know the word for nebulizer).

But it didn't end there. As I talked and sang to William, trying to get him to relax, the nurse cooed to him sweetly, “Aww, grandma's not here today. There's no one to talk to you.”

I was willing to excuse the 90-year-old woman for her similar comment, but a middle-aged lady should know better. Just because you don't understand the words I'm saying, doesn't mean I'm not talking. But at that moment, I let the wave of anger pass over me. They obviously weren't saying these ridiculous comments in an attempt to hurt me. I kept singing. One day William will be bilingual and he'll be able to speak for himself, in both English and Mandarin.

Have you ever had a frustrating experience due to language differences? How did you deal with it?

I won't be home for Christmas

William with my stocking

Homesickness. . . it's something I never really suffered from until the birth of William. Now that the holiday season has arrived, I have to work extra hard not to be overwhelmed by it.

coloring contest

I've missed nearly a decade's worth of Christmases without much too much regret. I've actually somewhat enjoyed celebrating the holidays on my own terms. In China, particularly in Chengde, Christmas can pass without much notice. Though it's gaining some popularity in recent years, Chinese people don't celebrate the holiday in any traditional sense. There are decorations here and there, some that remain throughout the entire year. Even my favorite cafe, whose boss is normally so well in tune with Western habits and festivities, has had a Christmas tree in her shop since last December. Sometimes I hear Christmas music, but it may be in July or January.

making cookies

Clearly, Christmas is mine do with as I please; unlike in the US, in China there are no expectations. Since returning to Chengde in 2008, I've made a point to go all out for the holiday. I decorate our home with Christmas decorations, some of which date from my childhood, others left behind from other foreigners over the years. I buy presents for Ping, pretending to be Santa, though Ming's mom has given me away numerous times when she says, “Thank your mom for all the nice presents she got you!” (The concept of Santa seems to be lost on her, an elderly Chinese woman). I also spend over a week baking, having each one of my students make a different cookie with me. At the end of the week, I throw a Christmas party for all of my students, at which we sample all the different cookies. We also play a variety of games such as Pin the Nose on the Rudolph and White Elephant gift exchange.

some of the treats

Getting ready for Christmas this year has been just the distraction I needed. Last Sunday I threw my party, with18 kids and 21 different holiday treats to sample. A part of me did feel sad that this might be the last year I host such a party since there's a good chance we'll be in the US during the next holiday season. My Christmas Party has become infamous among students (they start talking about it in June) and it's a tradition I manage to create all on my own. But as with so many things, it's something I'll have to leave behind when we move. But I guess that's okay, I'm sure we'll forge new traditions back in the US.

What about you, have you spent the holidays away from home? Does it make you feel homesick?

decorating the tree

Christmas Eve apples

A year or two ago, I was discussing the custom of Christmas trees with one of my students. I had never given much thought to the tradition, so it was interesting to see how a person unfamiliar with the ritual viewed it.

“Do most people have Christmas trees in their homes?” she asked me.

“Yes, most people do,” I answered, not delving into the complexities of the religious aspect of it.

“So how long do you keep the tree?” she further questioned.

“Everyone is different, maybe a month,” I explained.

“Is it a real tree?”

“Some people have fake trees. Many people buy real ones,” I told her.

“What do you do with the tree after Christmas?”

“We throw it away.”

She stared at me incredulously, “Isn't that a bit of a waste?!”

“Hmm. I suppose it is. . . . I think they make wood chips out of the trees though,” I tried to rationalize.

wrapped apples

I thought more about it. Christmas trees are wasteful, but I couldn't imagine the holidays without one, so I find the waste excusable. But do you know what kind of holiday waste I do not find acceptable? Dozens of sheets of tissue paper used to wrap a rotten apple. For those of you who do not live in China, let me explain. . .

students picking out paper for apple wrapping

There is an odd Chinese tradition, on Christmas Eve, for local children to exchange apples. The reason for this relates to the Chinese word for Christmas Eve, 平安夜 (píng'ān yè), which literally translated means “peaceful night.” The first character, pronounced píng, is a homophone for the first character in the Chinese word for apple (苹果, píngguǒ). Years ago, some clever Chinese fruit seller must have figured that this word play would be a great way to cash in on a foreign holiday most Chinese people know little about—naturally, on Christmas Eve you must exchange apples! Most of my students assume this is a foreign tradition and are surprised to learn I had never heard of it before coming to China. For some of my more advanced students, I try to explain that this custom must have roots in China as Christmas Eve and apple are homophones in Mandarin, not in English or other foreign languages (that I know of).

 Over the years, I've seen the tradition of giving apples grow more and more excessive. The apples are often wrapped in layers upon layers of tissue paper and cellophane. They are decorated with ribbons, bows, and even tiny teddy bears. They are often sold for ridiculous sums of money. Even in Chengde, you can find an intricately wrapped apple for upwards of 60 rmb (US$10). It seems like an awful waste of paper and the worst part is, since the apple is often wrapped in advanced, the buyer has no idea of its quality. Inevitably, you are giving someone the gift of a half rotten apple and a bunch of colorful paper she will just throw in the trash.

My students like me too much (or don't like me enough?) to give me a rotten apple for Christmas. That's great, as it's a gift I'd rather not receive.

What about you, what's the worst gift you've ever gotten?

Where is my freedom?

My post and photos about this year's Christmas Party aren't ready yet. Instead, I bring you more social Chinese media fun!

I came across another gem about parenting on WeChat. This one comes in the form of a comic which makes it doubly fun. It paints being a mom in a pretty dismal light, though I will not waiver in my stance that I find taking care of children, even caring for a tiny baby, isn't so bad. This holds especially true in China, where many women have the help of an army of people (at least compared to American moms) such as their own parents, in-laws, nannies, and maybe their husbands. I think Chinese moms may feel like they have no place to complain, as most American moms do. I suppose this type of comic provides a little humor and relief for some.

I thought I'd loosely translate part of the comic into English. The WeChat post is titled After giving birth, do you become your child's slave? And the comic is drawn by Zhang Xiaoyu (张小玉).

1. All along I've been the kind of person to live life to the fullest. . .

“Seeing loads of different performances.”

“Enjoying new experiences.”

“Partying with friends.”

“Snapchating delicious meals.”

“Enjoying the moment instead of saving money.”

2. . . . until the day I had a kid.

Iron!

Windows!

Tears!

(name of a Chinese song about parents' love and showing filial piety)

“Eh? My freedom. . . where has it gone?”

3. Before I could come and go as I pleased, playing happily. . .

“It's all about me!”

“It's all about me!”

“It's all about meeeeee!”

4. . . . now, every time I want to go out I have to plan for ages.

“Arrange a baby-sitter.”

“Shit. Milk is leaking.”

“Need to tidy up the diapers.”

“I'm gonna be late! Kill me! Kill me now!”

5. Even though going out means the possibilities are endless, I'm constantly restless because I'm worried about my baby. . .

“I can't sit still!!!”

6. . . . so then, I can't have a good time. I'm always the first person to leave the party.

“First to go.”

“See you guys next time! Next time!”

“Being a mom is truly miserable,” say her friends (or are they ghosts?).

7. Returning home, each time I vehemently admonish myself.

“Honey, I'm so sorry.”

“Maybe I really shouldn't have my own life.”

Some parents may struggle with a sense of lost freedom having having a baby, but I think most people have gone through a time when they felt their life was not their own—maybe after taking a difficult new job, caring for a sick relative, or suffering through an intense semester at school. Have you ever gone through a period in your life or had something happen during which you felt like you lost your freedom?

Christmas is canceled

from WeChat (微信)

Ming sent me this cute little blurb on WeChat, outlining some of the challenges Santa has to face entering China. I'm not sure whether it makes most Chinese want to laugh or cry, but I couldn't help but chuckle. It's definitely a new spin on The Night Before Christmas. Below, in both Chinese and my English translation:

圣诞老人在从丹麦进入中国境内的途中因雾霾太大看不清路摔掉，至今无人敢扶，仍在雪地里趴着，袋子里的礼物被哄抢一空，［驯鹿］被城管收走，雪车又因为无牌照被交警没收！今年圣诞节取消，请相互转告！

Entering Chinese territory from Denmark, Santa encountered smog mid-route thus causing an inability to see the road clearly. He crashed and until now, no one has dared help him up. In the snow, lies his bag of presents, which has been looted empty of gifts. His [reindeer] have been taken away by city inspectors (chengguan) and his sleigh, which was unlicensed, has been seized by traffic police. This year, Christmas is canceled; please spread the word!

In such few words, this sad tale cleverly illustrates a variety of problems in China, such as:

1. Air pollution
2. Bystander effect  
3. Theft and looting  
4. Police brutality and incompetence 

'Tis the season to grumble about life in the PRC! My next post will be slightly more cheerful but still on the topic of Christmas. I'm hosting my annual Christmas party on Sunday and I'll be sure to post some pictures.

What are your plans for the holiday?

Namesakes

This past week I came across an article about the most popular baby names of 2014. I was relieved to see that William did not make the top ten, as it did on the US list in 2013 (when it came in at No. 5). I never intended to name my kid a trendy name. I pitied all the Adams I knew growing up. In 5^th grade there were four of them in my class of 25 students and we had to identify them by the first initial of their last name. I've never had that problem. I am the only Rosie most people know.

My Grandpa Gerald holding me

I was hoping to come up with a name someone like my own. I've really come to embrace my name as I've gotten older. As a child, it wasn't ideal as I had to deal with endless rhyming (Nosy Rosie; Rosie Posie) and nicknames (Roseanne was the end of me). Now that the name-calling has ceased, I like having an uncommon name. In fact, I've never come across a Rosalie who wasn't elderly or a Rosie that was a retriever (I guess it's a cute pet name). Though not popular, most people can pronounce it and I don't get a confused look when I introduce myself. That's what I wanted for my child.

Then I found out I was having a boy. For a girl, it was easy. I had a million names I loved, but settled on Athena and Ming liked the meaning behind it. For her Chinese name, Ming would have her named by a Buddhist monk, as he had done with Ping. But for a boy, I wasn't sure, as nothing stood out. So I took the sentimental route.

Grandpa during WW2

For a middle name, I went with a good, solid German name—Gerald. Actually, while I like that this name ties William to his German roots, I picked it because it was my grandpa's name. My grandfather and I were very close growing up. He passed away in 2008.

My dad lost his beloved younger brother, Billy, in a motorcycle accident when they were just out of high school. When I brought up the name William as an option for a first name, Ming asked what it translated to in Chinese. I told him the transliteration (Wēilián), to which he smiled and quickly agreed, “Yes! Let's name him after a prince!” We also decided, much to my relief, to give him the Chinese name of Wēilián, instead playing Name Russian Roulette and have him named by a random monk. Double win!

While his English name is certainly common, his Chinese name is not. Wēilián is not something a Chinese person would normally, if ever, pick. However, the characters of his name aren't odd and I like the meaning behind each of them. Wēi (威) meaning “power” or “prestige,” and lián (廉) meaning “honest and clean” (it also means “cheap” which I generally prefer to gloss over). Wēilián is the name that appears on William's hukou (Chinese household registry) and Chinese passport. On his birth certificate, the hospital agreed to print his English name, William Gerald. When we get him an American passport, most likely next spring, he will officially be William Gerald in the eyes of Uncle Sam.

What about you? Does your name have any special meaning? Do you have a name in more than one language?

Sick Day (Baby Edition)

I've racked up a lot of experience in Chinese hospitals, much of it I've managed to chronicle here. I was hoping to avoid taking William to the hospital for anything other than his vaccinations, but with a cold he just couldn't shake, we had to do something.

At the first visit, the doctor recommended Chinese medicines for his cough. Chinese medicine is gentler and more natural than western medicine but is very slow acting. When his cough continued and he got a fever, the stakes were higher so we added ibuprofen and antibiotics to the arsenal of medicines he was taking. I was okay with that, anything to avoid my baby from getting an IV. IVs seem to be the method of choice for treating many illnesses here. Ping just went through a series of IVs for a sinus infection and cold. I avoided one on a technicality (still nursing) when I had food poisoning a couple weeks ago.

But the coughing continued and grew in intensity. The doctor cautioned that pneumonia could be setting in. We were going to have to be much more aggressive in treating him (Chinese medicine was obviously not cutting it). An IV was definitely in order. The doctor recommended either checking him into another hospital which was equip to deal with infant patients or bring him in twice daily for an IV and nebulizer.

I've found it's probably best to avoid a Chinese hospital stay if possible, because at public hospitals it requires so much manpower. You need someone to take care of the patient, whether a child or an adult, 24/7 as nurses don't play as active in a role in watching over patients as they would in the US. You also need someone to bring food and drinks to the patient and those caring for him. Hospitals don't provide meals, in fact, they don't provide much of anything. With that in mind, we decided to keep William at home and take him to the nearby hospital twice a day for his treatments.

Though less challenging than a hospital stay, taking the little guy in for treatments is no easy feat. We must bundle him up in layers of clothes and a thick blanket since outdoor temperatures are now around freezing. Because we live in a 6^th floor walkup (we are on the top floor of a building with no elevator) we must carry him, the 22 pounder, rather than take our bulky stroller (which itself requires two people to take downstairs).

William using a nebulizer.

The walk to the hospital is short, but they entire complex is being overhauled, which leaves an obstacle course of construction and rubble. We must zigzag around piles of dirt, supplies, and concrete. Workers sweep dirt in piles, as patients walk past hacking, trying to avoid the dust. Construction workers saw metal, causing sparks to fly in a million directions. Hospital employees carry huge cabinets, setting them in front of the elevators where crowds of people congregate. As with many situations in my daily life, an already stressful situation is made more difficult by a mountain of tiny annoyances.

In the mornings, William goes in for his IV of antibiotics. Since he is an infant, the only way to insert the needle is in a vein in his head. There are few things more depressing than seeing a baby with a needle in his head. Though William has handled it well, better than some of the older kids who kick and scream and howl whenever a nurse approaches with a needle.

In the past week I've had to see many kids poked and prodded since up to ten tiny patients share one hospital room while receiving their treatments. We've gotten to know some of the parents and children since most of them come twice a day and are there for at least an hour each time. In addition to receiving an IV, many kids also take a nebulizer. William also does this twice a day, once after his IV in the morning and again in the afternoon. This part he somewhat enjoys. Maybe it provides some relief to his troubled breathing and cough.

The good news is, William seems to be feeling much better. As much as I loathed the though of him getting an IV, I do think it sped up his recovery and helped us avoid a case of pneumonia. Having a sick child is scary and it's doubly challenging when you're abroad. Sometimes I struggle to understand or trust the doctors. I've had to put a lot of faith in ideas and procedures I've been unsure about. But after this weekend, William's treatments should be over and hopefully life can go back to normal and everyone will stay healthy!

What about you? Have you ever been unsure or mistrustful of doctors?

fast food favorites

As a little kid, I loved eating fast food. My mom would occasionally pick up Taco Bell (my first taste of “Mexican”) for dinner and I would happily scarf down an order of nachos with cheese sauce. Some of my best childhood memories are of my grandparents taking me to McDonald's; the playground and chocolate milkshakes were equally addicting. But as I got older, my tastes became more sophisticated. I mostly turned my nose up on fast food, that is, until I came to China.

Portuguese Egg Tart, photo via dianping.com

When I arrived in Chengde in early 2005, the city's first western fast food chain had just opened. If you haven't been to China, you might guess that McDonald's had the honor of being first, but actually, McDonald's didn't break ground in Chengde until about 2007. The reigning foreign fast food champ in China and Chengde has forever been KFC. Having never been a huge fan of the Colonel or his chicken, I was pretty disappointed to find that if I didn't want Chinese food, my only other option in Chengde would be a little Kentucky Fried. You think that would have inspired me to learn how to cook, but again, that was something that didn't happen until later.

So KFC it was. For one of my first dates with Ming. For those western food cravings. I didn't do any finger licking (considered bad form in China), but I did eventually sample my way through most of the menu. People back home often find it odd that I would frequent a fast food joint, let alone go there for a date, but in China fast food hardly resembles or signifies what it does in the west. Chinese KFC offers a completely different selection of food than its American counterpart and prices are steep compared to many local restaurants—this was particularly true 10 years ago. At that time, you knew you had founder a keeper if your date was willing to splurge on some extra crispy. 

McDonald's pies, photo via dianping.com

As for Chinese fast food menus, I find this is always a fun topic. It has somehow come up in multiple conversations I've had with family members and again recently when talking with my dad. He asked me (already knowing the answer), if I could get a Jalapeno Double at my local McDonald's. I guess it's a new addition to the American McDonald's sandwich lineup and one which my father has taken quite a liking to. Alas, there is no Jalapeno Double here, but there are lots of other fun things like Portuguese egg tarts (KFC), taro pie (McDonald's), and Korean steak pizza (Pizza Hut).

It's interesting to see how international chains tweek their menu's to suit regional tastes. We are sadly lacking a Starbucks here (I will know Chengde has really made it in the world once we get one), but for those living in places that do (everywhere else), it's Holiday Drinks Time. In the US that means seasonal favorites like Peppermint Mochas and Gingerbread Lattes; drinks that either don't really translate well or don't cater to the tastes of the Chinese market. This Christmas, Starbucks in China has holiday drinks that include Cranberry White Chocolate Mocha and Tiramisu Latte. Fun! Something to try on my next trip to Beijing.

What about you? Have you ever lived or traveled somewhere and found an interesting twist on fast food or other familiar restaurants? Or do you stick to just eating local?

Chinese Superstitions (Baby Edition)

Don't want any ghosts scaring this little angel
(William on his birth day)

William has been a great nighttime sleeper from week one. That's not to say that he never wakes or doesn't have an off night here or there, but he rarely cries and after having a bottle, he goes right back to sleep. The past few weeks have been a bit of a struggle. At first, I thought it was due to his last round of vaccinations. Then I thought he might be teething. Finally, I realized he had a full blown cold and fever. No matter what the cause, I always figure that whatever troubles him must be linked some logical explanation—an illness or a new stage in his development.

Ming's mom had different ideas. She was convinced, and even in the midst of William's obvious illness is still convinced, that his recent nighttime crying is tied to the paranormal. Ghosts have taken a part of him away and it is our job to call him back home, to unite his body and mind.

A stick to scare away ghosts

In order to achieve this, Ming's mom used a two pronged approach. In order to execute part one, she first found a large stick. She broke it in half and placed one section in the mail slot outside our door. The other lies on the bookshelf above where William sleeps. My understanding is that these sticks are used to keep ghosts from returning and re-snatching his spirit. I guess I can get behind this idea; it's almost in the same ballpark as a Native American dreamcatcher, which I used to have as a kid.

Part two of the reunification required my participation. I felt a bit ridiculous taking part and Ming's mom told me that if I didn't want to do it, we could just forget all the hocus pocus. But I decided to play along, even trying to convince myself I believed it, because, really, what does it hurt? So one night, after William fell asleep, Ming's mom went to the door to leave. She called to William:

“William, are you there?”

I answered on his behalf (naturally), calling back to my mother-in-law, “I've come back!”

Then I continued, speaking to William in soothing whisper, “Don't be scared. Don't be scared. Drink mommy's milk.”

This was repeated three times and then William's spirit was returned, which meant he'd no longer have a reason to cry at night. And that night he didn't cry, though I'm not convinced that our little ritual had anything to do with it. Ming, however, is a believer.

An inauspicious alley way 

Interestingly, superstitions about babies and ghosts have come up a number of times since William was born. For instance, Ming is adamant that during the first year of life, we should avoid taking William out at night. Babies, like animals, are susceptible to seeing ghosts after dark.

Another issue we have is that there is a crematorium near our apartment. I didn't even realize this until Ming started panicking about it after the baby was born. Obvious this is a problem because there must be hoards of spirits lingering around. And it is just the off of the main alleyway that connects our apartment complex to the main road. If at all possible, Ming avoids that route when we have William with us, opting for other exits even if they are slightly less convenient. It's not something I would ever concern myself with, but I entertain the belief to avoid arguments.

What about you, are you superstitious? Do you ever entertain other people's superstitions?

A quick update

It seems I have a few more readers than I used to (which wasn't hard to accomplish because I used to be my only reader. I don't think my parents even bother!). I'm not sure exactly where my blog is headed, but eventually it will have its own domain as I purchased one several months ago and am working on making the switch over.

These days, both kids are sick and insomnia has come back, rearing its very ugly head. It's hard to string two coherent sentences together, though there is plenty I would like to write about. I will be adding more posts as soon as I can get my thoughts together properly.

Thanks for reading! If you have any tips for a good night's sleep, please do comment!

Mommies on social media

We used to have to settle for gossiping at work or complaining to our neighbors, but social media has given us a new outlet to nurse all our grievances. I think, sometimes, this can be a useful tool—helping us connect with and support our friends and family, even those who are far away. Unfortunately, I think it's also tapped our inner narcissist, letting us get carried away with sharing constant updates and photos, often with hundreds of “friends” that just don't care. One of the main reasons I've haven't been using facebook or instagram is because I don't want to get swept up into it anymore. I want to take the time to personally share my life with those closest to me and for those more distant, they can check out my blog if it interests them.

I'll admit, it was tempting to start using facebook again once William was born. There was that small part of me that wanting to show off my new baby, seeing those 'likes' and comments tally up. And honestly, I don't begrudge people who do this. I actually love see friends' and acquaintances' vacation and family photos. But there are aspects of social media I hate. For instance, one of my friends once made a comment about being tired of being pregnant and then two of her friends were quick to comment on her post, saying something along the lines of: “You think it's bad now? Hahahaha. It only gets worse when the baby comes!” Way to be encouraging guys!

In the same vein, I don't like mommy martyrs. I don't want to hear about how you've sacrificed all your free time, sleep, independence, money and regard for other human beings all the name of your darling babe. Yeah, parenting is a hard job, and while it might be one of the most important things you ever do, it is not unique. Of course, it feels like this crazy and magical experience when you are changing the diaper of a colicky two-month-old, but having kids is something most people end up doing at one point or another. And none of us would be here if not for our own parents.

The need to brag and complain about parenthood is most likely a part of every culture. I was beginning to think, however, that my Chinese friends seem much less whiney about the whole parenting gig than my western friends, but then (once again) my eyes were opened by WeChat.

One of my Chinese friends had her first baby this past summer. She is living overseas, so I don't know much about how day-to-day life with a newborn is treating her. She occasionally posts a photo of her son on WeChat. Actually, her posts are so sparse she practically has me begging for more. Recently, she broke form and posted this little tidbit:

photo via weixin

In English, it reads something like this:

Being a mother is great profession. Although you go to sleep late, you gotta get up early. Although you make it look like a snap, it's a huge responsibility. Although you make no money, you spend a lot. Although the baby's small, there's a lot of shit to deal with. Although it's tiring work, you gotta make it look easy. Although you're making pennies, you're worried about millions. Before the baby, you were eloquent and graceful, now you are more down-to-earth. To other exhausted mothers, pass it on!

At first glimpse, I wanted to love this post. After all, it features a picture of my favorite World War Two icon, Rosie the Riveter. But this type of post annoys me a little. It makes motherhood sound kinda terrible. To be honest, I was very nervous about becoming a parent because of the unending stream of similar posts and articles I read online. They make parenting sound awful and thankless while at the same time swearing that it is wonderful and rewarding, leaving me dumbfounded.

Secondly, I feel like it is kinda whiney. Nobody likes a sell professed martyr. Part of me wonders, what if my kids one day are old enough to scroll through my old facebook/twitter/wechat history and see my constant complaining about how tough I had it taking care of them? How will they feel? I think some thoughts are better kept to ourselves.

What do you think? Are these sort of posts cute or annoying? Do you think social media is mostly a good thing or has it turned us into a bunch of whiners and braggarts?

Sick Day

photo by crazedshop via photobucket

One of the most hopeless feelings is being in a foreign country when sick or ailing—of which I've become somewhat of an expert at, both while in China and traveling in neighboring countries. Among one of my worst such experiences was when I was traveling alone in Vietnam several years ago. I had just touched down in Ho Chi Min City when my left arm stopped working. I still don't know what had happened. One day I was fine and the next I could not lift it in any direction (which made changing and putting my hair up near impossible). Luckily, I was blessed with two very helpful roommates at the hostel I was staying at, who, to this day, I can still recall in great detail. Sylvia, German, aided me in styling my hair and getting dressed. A young American guy, Armen, practiced reiki on me in a last ditch effort to ease my pain. It worked. Or maybe my desperation to believe it could work worked. After three days of torture, I finally got use of my left arm back.

As hard as it is when aches and illness render me incapacitated, it's even worse when it happens to your kid. Luckily, William has been a healthy baby so far. Ping, of course, has gone through her fair share of issues. Today, another stomachache has struck. My mind swings from one extreme to the other: Is she faking it to get out of school? Maybe she has an appendicitis? What should I do? I still don't know the protocol. Ming or his mom always save the day, but this morning Ming is at work. I talk to Ming's mom about it on the phone.

“Just see what happens,” she says.

“See what happens. . . ?”

“Just give her blah blah blah chew tablet,” she assures me.

“What was that?” I ask, looking at our box full of medicines and realizing I don't recognize nearly half the Chinese characters on almost all the boxes.

“Just give her blah blah blah chew tablet,” she repeats.

“You're going to have to tell her. I don't know what any of this stuff is,” I admit reluctantly.

I hand Ping the phone and she grabs some antacids out of the box. I feel like Ping's described level of stomach pain requires something with a little more kick, but I have no idea what to suggest. Nor do I know how to call her in sick from school. Or what kind of food Chinese people think appropriate for giving a child with a tummy ache. In other words, I feel completely useless.

No matter. Grandma will soon be swooping in, arriving at our home like Superwoman. But what if no one was around to save us?

What about you, have you ever been sick while away from home or while living in a foreign country? How did you deal with it?