China: What I'll miss about you

As of last week the date is set and flight is booked, the flight that will take me back to the US. . . permanently. The reality of the situation hasn't fully hit me yet. In truth, I've been desperate to move back to my home country for awhile, since William was born or perhaps even before. It's hard to remember exactly.

I know returning will be challenging. I've read blogs about it. I've had friends who have done it, who shared their stories of reverse culture shock, their struggles to reestablish themselves in a place that is familiar yet. . . yet not. After being away for awhile, the place you once knew so well, the place you may have called home most of your life, seems a bit foreign.

With the exception of my time in college, my entire adult life has been spent in China. Ten years. And now it's quickly coming to a close and I don't know how to feel about it. I want to enjoy my last weeks here, while at the same time just wanting them to be over with. I am ready, so ready, to move on with my life. But I know I will one day, perhaps one day very soon, I will miss China. I once wrote a post detailing the reasons I want to leave, but today I will write about what I will miss, reasons that I may have liked to stay.

always something going on on the sidewalk

1. The hustle and bustle (or what is known in Chinese as rènào) 
Chinese people love rènào and many of those who come to settle in the US lament on how quite and empty it can be. Even when I visit downtown Chicago, I am taken aback by how little is going on during the (work)day. Sometimes I struggle with crowds and noise that comes with living in China, but I think I've come to appreciate it in some ways.

 2. Attitudes toward cross-race marriage and biracial children
Compared to many countries, China is incredibly accepting of mixed race couples and children. That's not to say some people don't take issue with it, especially when it occurs withing their own family, but I think Chinese society as a whole is more open to it than Americans. Thanks to our little "mixed blood" ("hùnxuě" as biracial people are usually called in Chinese), we face a constant barrage of admirers whenever we are out and about. While it can be overwhelming, it is also sweet that people take a positive interest in our cross-culturally family.  P.S. Check out Ruby Ronin, who writes an enlightening post about her experiences as a biracial woman living in both Japan and China.

local small business

3. Endless possibility
If you are business-minded (I'm not, though getting better), China is ripe with opportunity. This is the place where rags to riches stories happen, where a good idea or the right connections can turn you into a millionaire overnight. With the rise of the Chinese middle class, there's also a market for many items and services that could only cater to a niche market a decade ago. In Chengde, western-style cafes and photography studios are popping up everywhere. Locals are taking an interest in foreign foods. Everyone with even the smallest amount of disposable income is planning a vacation. If you have an entrepreneurial spirit, this is the place to be. I may have tapped into that side of my personality a little late, but perhaps there could still be another business venture in my future....

4. Language
While I sometimes missing the ease of being surrounded by my native tongue, I have totally fallen in love with Mandarin. Sometimes while looking walking home, I look around and marvel at all the Chinese characters that surround me--a system of writing that once seemed so exotic, so impossible to learn. The fact that I can now read it still surprises me. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would study Chinese. I don't know if I could have ever succeeded without being totally immersed in the language and I don't know how I will continue (my life long goal of fluency) being away from it.

Jiuzhaigou, China 2013

5. Travel
Of course, my love of travel is what brought me to China in the first place. For those who love adventure, Asia is a great place to be. It's diverse and generally very affordable. I am sad that I may never again visit southeast Asia and disappointed that I never made it to Nepal or Korea. But I did make it to many other wonderful places. Some of my favorites include my fist solo trip within China, to Guilin and Yangshuo in 2005. I also (in hindsight) loved the very intense trip I took to India in 2010 and my crazy adventures in Sumatra a few years ago. Next frontier? North (and one day South) America. This fall I am planning to visit friends in Texas and New Jersey.

6. Safety
Safety means different things to different people. The kind of safety I'm talking about is the ability to walk down the street alone after dusk as a woman. I have that in China. While the ability to cross the street without the fear of getting rundown by an Audi still alludes me, I've long come to terms that I may meet my maker under the wheels of a speeding Chinese motorist. With only three weeks in China left, it seems I may make it out of the country unscathed. Fingers crossed.

7. Food

my m-i-l making dumplings

Chinese people are incredibly proud of their cuisine and tout it as the most diverse in the world. Let me let you in on a little secret: Chinese food is actually not my favorite. While American food holds a lackluster reputation internationally, I swear we are not all Big Macs and hot dogs. You can find a variety of cuisines pretty much anywhere in the US and in larger cities, your options are endless and often very authentic. Unfortunately, I've had pretty crappy luck finding decent Chinese restaurants in my hometown and even the good one (tipping my hat to you Emperor of China) is nothing like what we'd eat in China. I'll miss zongzi and Peking duck. I'll crave shuǐ zhǔ ròupiàn real kungpao chicken. But at least both my husband and I are able to cook many popular Chinese dishes and my mother-in-law makes excellent dumplings.

Have you ever missed the things you left behind when moving from one place to another? How did you cope?


 

My Interview on the Love Blender

Chengde, 2014

I follow several blogs, most of them by women who live and date in Asia. One of my favorites is The Love Blender which is written by an Italian woman, Marghini, who is an interior designer (and it shows, her blog is very pleasing to the eye!) who has lived as an expat in a number of country. Marghini's blog chronicles her life and experiences abroad, as well as dating cross-culturally. Recently, she is featuring a series on expat women and asked me to partake in an interview. You can check it out here!

Do you follow many blogs? Which one is your favorite?

Crazy $h!t that's Happened to me in Asia: Vietnam edition

I was looking through my Facebook profile and found some old "notes" (a now defunct feature on the site). This is one such note that made it on Facebook and never on my blog. It dates back to June 2008 and details yet another crazy incident that I experienced while traveling in Asia. I'm not sure if this one is more terrifying or less terrifying than being taking hostage by an orangutan. I'll let you decide!

Ho Chi Minh Statue, downtown Saigon, 2008

In Vietnam, they have this sweet little deal offered by most traveler cafes--the open bus ticket. With this ticket, for a mere US$27, you can get from Saigon in the far south all the way to Hanoi in the far north. In other words, you can travel from Vietnam's bottom to top (or top to bottom, if you prefer), which consists of some 1300 miles. You are also allowed to make stops in cities along the way. This is a fantastic price, but it leaves you at the mercy of the travel cafe and what bus they put you on.

All the way to Hue, my second to last stop, I'd been lucky. All my buses had been comfortable sleeper buses with working air-con. When I went to confirm my departure for Hanoi (my final destination) at the travel cafe in Hue, the agent tried to bully me into upgrading to a sleeper bus. My ticket was only for a sitting bus. This had happened to me once before. I had declined the sleeper bus, not wanting to shell out an extra five bucks for it. Turned out, they still put me on the sleeper bus. I was wise on their tricks. . . I would stick to my sitting bus ticket and wait for my (free) upgrade.

I was told to come back at 5:30 pm the next day and my bus would pick me up at the cafe. When that time rolled around I was feeling pretty confident, just waiting for my big, flashy sleeper bus to pull up. Instead a decrepit looking sitting bus came.

"You go Hanoi? Sitting bus? Here!" The agent motioned to me.

I looked around at the other foreigners waiting in the cafe. None of them moved. I was the only idiot who hadn't upgraded. Ah, well.

Minh Mang Tomb, near Hue, 2008

I boarded the bus, which was air-conditioned. So far, so good. It was already about a third full, but I found a window seat near the back. Window seats are essential. Great for their scenery and their head support. If luck was somehow on my side, the bus wouldn't fill and I'd get two seats to myself. Luck was not on my side though. Surely you could have guessed that much by now. A young Vietnamese woman and her small child ended up sitting next to me. They even gave people little plastic chairs to sit in the aisle. The bus was well past capacity.

By 7pm it was dark and I could no longer enjoy gazing out the window. I listened to my iPod while the young Vietnamese woman rested her head on my shoulder and her little boys legs sprawled across my lap. Personal space. . . not important. I finally drifted off to sleep sometime after ten.

I was awoken, quite suddenly by screams. Everyone on the bus was screaming and our bus was suddenly on a 40 degree angle. Oh my God, I am going to die. I am going to die with a Vietnamese woman and her son. I hugged them. The bus is going to roll over and explode. I am going to die alone in Vietnam. This cannot be happening. With my impeding death predicted, the bus came to a stop--though still at a precarious angle. I was scared to look out the window. Perhaps we were hanging off a cliff. I was at the back of the bus; I'd never make it out before we plunged to our death. I looked out the window. A field. Never have I felt such relief. We were only in a ditch, not dangling over a ledge. 

me at the Citadel, Hue, 2008

I waited for the bus to unload a bit and finally made my way to the front, shaking. The entire windshield was cracked. Did we hit someone? I was really in no mood to see the bloody corpse of a motorbike driver. I turned to exit and found the entire door and steps leading out were mangled. I managed to step through the debris and got out. I surveyed the damage. The bus had managed to go over the guardrail, into the ditch, and then came to the stop with the help of the electric pole we hit. The front tires were now gone, as well as much of the paneling from the side of the bus. What had happened?

Well, there was no one to ask. I was the only foreigner on the bus; the rest of the passengers were Vietnamese. Vietnamese who couldn't speak English. I had to come to my own conclusion on the matter--my guess is that the driver fell asleep.

Now there was the matter of getting my bag and getting to Hanoi. I motioned frantically to people standing around. "I need my bag, it's under the bus!" I pantomimed. People just shook their heads. No, No, No. I had to get my bag. Everything was in my bag. Most of my money (what was I thinking?) and all my clothes. Do you realize how difficult for a girl my size, or anyone over a size 2, to find clothes that fit in Asia? My clothes are nearly priceless! I would not leave the side of the bus until I got my bag. I would camp out all night in rural Vietnam if I had to. I was getting that bag! 

lantern kiosk, Hoian, 2008

I was nearly in tears. But crying in public is incredibly faux pas in Asia. I had to keep it together. I would ask one more time about my bag. I tugged on the sleeve of one man and did my pantomime. I pretending to be carrying a heavy backpack and then frantically pointed to the side of the bus, where the luggage was stowed. The man motioned for me to go to the other side of the bus. I went around to find them unloaded everyone's stuff. Everything was going to be okay! I was going to get my fat-girl clothes. I would get all my money! All the little presents I'd bought people, they would be mine again. I wouldn't have to camp out next to the bus in the middle of nowhere. Life was good!

I saw that a few buses had stopped for us further up the road. They were taking on what passengers they could fit, although most of them were at or over capacity themselves. There must have been nearly 70 of us waiting for a ride. But a Vietnamese man waved me over to the first bus. It was a sleeper bus full of Vietnamese. There were no beds left on the sleeper bus, but no worries, plenty of floor space. I went to lay down on the floor and spent the next 8 hours trying to sleep.

Sleep did not happen. Every bump we hit sent me into a panic. We are going off the road! We are plunging to our deaths! There are way too many bumps in Vietnam. But we did, of course, make it to Hanoi alive. Fourteen and a half hours after leaving Hue we made it. I went to my hotel as quickly as possible. I needed the comfort of a real, stationary bed. 

Have you ever taken a long bus ride? What was it like?

Hanoi street, 2008

 

Past its prime: Expiration date debate

Awhile ago, one of my friends from back home sparked a great debate on Facebook. The debate over yogurt, specifically, yogurt passed its “eat by” date. Naturally, my friend took to social media to decide what to do—to eat or not to eat? I, ever one to live dangerously, was solidly in the “Eat it!” camp.

“Give it the sniff test,” I encouraged her, “If it passes that, then take a small bite and if it tastes good, go for it!”

Others were vehemently opposed.

“Don't do it! It's not worth the risk! You could get food poisoning!” her best friend warned.

In the end, she ate it. And lived to tell the tale. I'm fairly certain she didn't get food poisoning either.

Many Americans are obsessed with these dates. The problem is, they are confusing. There is “sell by,” “best by,” and “eat by” dates. What's the difference and does it matter? Many reports claim these days are arbitrary, yet lead us into believing we must trash any food passed the marked date. According to this article by National Geographic, over a billion tons of food is wasted globally each year; in other words, roughly a third of food produced annually is thrown away. That's got to be enough food to feed most of the world's hungry.

I didn't think any nation could trump Americans obsession over expiration dates or surmount our food waste (the average American family throws out US$1500 worth of food a year!) but leave it to the Chinese to outshine us, at least on the former front (I'm sure they'll catch up to us in waste soon enough). They have taken expiration labeling to a whole new level. Never mind food, anything is fair game--there are expiration dates on perfume, hand tissues, and printer paper. But it goes deeper. Last week, I realized the full depth of the insanity.

photo via nicpic.com

“When does wine expire?” my Chinese friend asked, in a tone that sounded like I'd be graded on my answer.

“Expire? Wine doesn't expire. But I've heard that after 150 years most wines turn to vinegar,” I told her, almost certain of my answer.

She smiled at me knowingly and replied, “Well, Chinese wines expire. I saw in the supermarket that Great Wall red expires after ten years."

I don't know, but a little part of me died with the knowledge that the Chinese nouveau riche may never experience a good vintage out of fear of expiration. Then my most painful realization occurred, Chinese cheese connoisseurs may bypass a tasty aged cheddar for some seemingly newer, fresher cheese. I hope it isn't so. Some things truly do get better with age.

But the real question is: where is this paranoia coming from? In the case of China, I think expiration dates give consumers a false sense of security. They provide them with a feeling that the food is safe if eaten during a certain time frame, when the reality is food quality is poor due to reasons outside of age and freshness. Anyone living in China knows that food safety scares are unending. This summer it came to light that decades-old meat was being smuggled in China. Talk about being past its expiration date, yuck. Labels mean little. When eating in China, one has to be careful, but also realize you may end up eating something questionable no matter what precautions you take.

Do you check expiration dates carefully? What kind of things do you do to ensure your eating healthily?

My guest post on Speaking of China

For anyone who reads my blog who doesn't follow Jocelyn's fantastic AMWF (Asian male/Western female) blog, Speaking of China, please check out my recent guest post, Why Did I Assume I'd Never Find a Man to Date in China. I write about a failed blind date with an Asian man and how it affected my perception of Asian men and myself. You can also read another guest post I wrote on Speaking of China about meeting my husband, Ming, Enter Zhao Ming. . . China's Answer to Arnold Swarzenegger.

Banbi Mountain, Chengde, China. 2014

Tips for China Newbies

My friend M, who I mentioned in an earlier post about our crazy trip to Sumatra, is moving to China! Her husband, who works for a large American company, got offered a two-year position in western China and they plan to make their big move next month. Sadly, they will be arriving around the same time I will be returning to the US, but I am no less excited for them.

If anyone can handle a move abroad, M can. She's traveled and lived in countless places. She even came to visit me in China back in 2006. The trip was plagued with various illnesses, horrendous toilets, and epic bus and train rides, yet she took it all in stride. Though there may be some hiccups along the way, I know she's in for a great time and adventure in China. 

M and me, Yunnan Province, 2006

Inspired by M and also by The Love Blender's excellent posts about living abroad (her advice on improving your social life, beating culture shock and staying healthy is spot on), I thought about what advice I'd give to anyone who is about to move to China. Take it or leave it, here are my two cents:

1. Study the language This one seems so obvious, but once you arrive in China you will quickly find many foreigners, some who have lived here for years, can barely speak the most basic phrases (you'll also meet those who have lived here for a year and can speak like a native). I made hardly any progress in learning the language my first year and even after a decade have not yet achieved fluency. You can absolutely get by knowing very little of the language and locals won't even fault you for it. But you are doing yourself a great disservice. Since improving my Mandarin, my world here has been opened up exponentially. I understand so much more about the culture, the people, and the food because I am able to speak and read Chinese. Don't put off learning, no matter how long you plan on being in country. Try to find a class or tutor as soon as possible so you can get off the ground running and establish good study habits. It is absolutely worth the time and trouble.

with my long-time friend, Apple

2. Make local friends In my experience, locals are very interested in foreigners and many would like to make foreign friends. Making friends with Chinese people isn't hard, but creating a true and lasting friendship may take some time. There can be a number of cultural and language barriers to overcome at first, but with some effort you can learn a lot from each other. I met some of my closest Chinese friends during my first year here. Throughout the years, they have helped me understand everything from Chinese pop culture to traditional medicine. I've taught them things such as English internet slang and how to bake chocolate chip cookies. Best of all, I feel like they know a side of me many of my friends back home don't, my "China side."

3. Network on WeChat I am not much for social media. I try to avoid Facebook and I haven't even dabbled into Snapchat or Twitter or whatever people are using these days. But I do use WeChat, which is probably the most popular way to connect with people in China these days. Connections in China are important, so this is a great way to network and organize all your contacts. WeChat allows you to post short messages with photos or share articles. You can also text or voice message and video chat. And it's free! I definitely recommend downloading it to your phone if you'll be living in China.

4. Learn how to use Taobao I can't believe I survived as long as I did without Taobao in my life. Taobao is a bit like Ebay, without the auctions. You have thousands of "stores" to shop at, most of them specializing in a certain type of product. Prices are very competitive and many sellers offer free shipping. You can find lots of import products too, some of them well-priced. I buy books, art supplies, trinkets, and even food on Taobao. I've had very few problems and usually when I have the seller has given me a refund. Taobao is almost entirely in Chinese and if you have any issues with the product or delivery you're obviously going to have to speak Chinese or find a Chinese friend or co-worker who can help you. I also recommend China's Amazon which is a little bit more foreigner friendly (there is an English language option on the site) and slightly more expensive. As for payment, sometimes cash on delivery is available, otherwise you'll have to have a Chinese bank card and get yourself setup online. Have a Chinese friend help you with this.

made possible by my oven

5. Get a VPN If you want to surf the web freely, get a VPN (virtual private network) BEFORE you arrive (you may not be able to access the site once in China). Most people know Facebook is blocked here, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Many blogs and western news sites are blocked or slow to load. Accessing Gmail will make you want to rip your hair out. The list of sites behind the great (fire) wall is long. Do yourself a favor and purchase a VPN. Yes, purchase. I am a cheapskate, but I've learned the hard way that free VPNs never last and aren't worth the frustration. I have used Atrill VPN for the past few years and they have great customer service and allow users to pick from a variety of servers. There are a number of other VPNs to pick from, but try to do some research into which one is right for you.

6. Make it feel like home This was one thing I failed to do when I first lived here. I figured I wouldn't be in China long, so I didn't want to spend money on anything. Specifically, I longed to have an oven, but it seemed like too frivolous of a purchase. I waited years before finally caving and it was one of the best purchases I ever made. It cost about 400 rmb and was worth every mao. You can't put a price on fresh baked focaccia or Black Magic Cake. Do yourself a favor and splurge on a few things to make your house (apartment) feel more like a home.

7. Get into a routine Your life may feel like it's been turned upside down and shaken when you first arrive, but before long you can establish a routine. While in China, I've always had an odd work schedule so this is one aspect of life I've struggled with. Try to set aside part of the day for exercising or studying Chinese. Try not to binge on too many late night sessions of Netflix (or beer). You'll get so much out of your time here if you get out and explore. Which leads me to. . .

me in Cambodia, 2007

8. Travel I've made it a point to travel as much as possible while living in China. I tried to live simply to save up for such trips, knowing that once I move back to the US my chances of returning to Asia for a vacation would be slim. At first I was nervous to travel on my own, but after a few months in China I took a week long solo trip to Guangxi Province and quickly overcame my fear. I went on to take numerous trips throughout China and neighboring countries. Use your vacation time and put aside some extra cash and JUST DO IT. Travel in China and particularly in Southeast Asia and India is very affordable and in many places tourism is developed enough that transport and accommodation is fairly straight forward.

Do you live abroad? Do you have any advice to add to the list?

Beijing 2022

1194 days to go! Me in Beijing, May 2005

I am super excited about the Olympic committee's decision today. Beijing narrowly beat out Almaty in its bid for the 2022 Winter Olympics, becoming the first city to host both the Summer and Winter Olympics. 加油北京！Go Beijing!

When I first moved to China in early 2005, I was struck by how excited Chinese people were about the Olympics. There were "Beijing 2008" signs (and countdowns, see photo) in Beijing, sure, but I remember seeing advertisements everywhere I traveled in China, as far south as Guilin. Being from the US, the Olympics are certainly popular, but hosting them isn't cause for much excitement; in fact, it often creates a lot of grumbling. As costs for hosting rise, the appeal to host has become less and less enticing for some countries, such as my own. But that's certainly not the case for China or Asia (which will be hosting three Olympic Games in a row--Pyeong Chang 2018, Tokyo 2020, and Beijing 2022).

Beijing Paralympics, Sept 2008

I lived in Beijing during the run up to the Olympics and watched the city transform. When I first arrived, Beijing had only three subway lines, but beginning in 2007, a new line seemed to open every few months (and this trend continues today). Ramshackle restaurants soon began to disappear, as did much street food. A small part of me mourned such developments, though I had to concede most changes were probably for the best. Citizens were coached on how to treat foreign guests, with tips posted in various places throughout the city (perhaps the whole country) and red banners urging people to "act civilized." Volunteer attendants strictly guarded bus stops and subway platforms, yelling at anyone who pushed or rushed an opening door. Locals spit less and stood in line more. The feeling of excitement and pride was palpable. It was also contagious. I couldn't help but feel happy for Beijingers and China as 2007 came to a close. I also felt sad to be leaving the country at such a momentous time.

view of the Water Cube from inside the Nest

But due to unforeseen events, Ming and I returned to China in early 2008. The price of rent in Beijing had, by then, skyrocketed. For example, our one bedroom apartment near the student district of Wudaokou had increased from 1700 rmb/month (US$220 at the time) to 2500 rmb. There was really no reason for us to return to the capital, so we decided to settle in Ming's hometown instead. I had my heart set on going to the games, but scoring tickets seemed like a sport in and of itself. From what I remember, it involved signing up on a Chinese website as soon as a certain set of tickets became available. Tickets often sold out quickly, some within minutes. The purchased tickets later had to be picked up at a designated time and place. The whole process seemed beyond my ability or patience level. Moreover, finding a hotel would be impossible or cause bankruptcy. I soon turned to plan B. We'd skip the hassle of the Summer Olympics and attend the Beijing Paralympics in fall.

It turned out to be a brilliant plan. Tickets were relatively easy to obtain by simply purchasing them online. I opted for some basic seats to watch track and field which was held in the famed Bird's Nest stadium--the total for two tickets wasn't much more than 100 rmb. Once our tickets were secured, we had no trouble finding cheap accommodation. On the day of the event, we left our hostel early, but getting to the Nest was pretty time-consuming. I'd rather not imagine what it would have been like during the summer games. The Olympic subway line was packed and we had to wait a considerable amount of time just to board a train. Once we were finally in the stadium's vicinity we stood gobsmacked at the snaking line for security. We decided to take out time outside, as we were already late for the start of the event anyways. We snapped some pictures and eventually made it through the long line.

Ming and I outside the Nest, 2008

The actual event was awesome. The stadium was completely packed with onlookers, which surprised me. But what was truly amazing was the athletes themselves. Though all participants were disabled, most of them physically, though I believe some of them mentally, they were capable of achieving things I couldn't even imagine. I was deeply moved by their ability not only to overcome their disabilities, but also to achieve such difficult feats athletically. Sure, attending the Olympics must be great and something I hope to do at some point in my life, but I think the Paralympics are very special in their own right. I'm really glad I had the chance to experience them, especially in a city I had briefly called my home, Beijing.

Have you ever attended the Olympic Games? Has your country ever hosted them?

Books about China: My Picks and Pans

What I'm glad I read before coming to China

1. Peter Hessler's River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze. I fell in love with China (and maybe a little bit with Peter Hessler) while reading this book. Hessler came to China in the 90's as a Peace Corp member stationed in a remote town on the Yangtze River. He captures the everyday intricacies of life in China beautifully and helped me to understand what it would be like to teach English in China before I arrived. For “old China hands” I would probably recommend his book Country Driving, but for those who are less familiar with China, this is a great book to get your feet wet.

2. I knew nothing about Chinese history before my arrival and what I did know came from  Jung Chang's Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China. This book makes history accessible to even those who loathe to read about it. Her story includes her mother and grandmother's own stories and nearly brings us through the entire 20^th century in China. Wild Swans is never dull, reading more like a novel. It is at times both heartbreaking and rage inducing.

My favorite guilty pleasures

1. I remember the first time I saw Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, sitting on the lower bunk of a fellow traveler when I was staying in a Beijing hostel. “God, I'm glad I've graduated from reading such crap,” I thought to myself, rolling my eyes at the title. It must have been about a year later that I came across Susan Jane Gilman's memoir again and decided to have a quick look. I was immediately engrossed in a tale of two young American women who came to China shortly after its opening. Reading about China in the 1980's was fascinating in itself, but the story of these young women takes a terrifying turn which is sure to keep most readers up late, desperate to know how it all ends.

2. Another fun memoir, Rachel DeWoskin's Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China is a coming-of-age story both for the writer and the city she is living in. I loved reading about Beijing as it was in the 90's. It helps put in perspective how fast the city, and the country as a whole, has changed. DeWoskin also provides the reader into a view that many people don't often get to see. What's it like to star on a Chinese soap opera? Date a Chinese man? Experience local backlash after a terrorist attack? Read to find out!

On a more serious note
1. The Good Women of China: Hidden Voices by was a book passed on to me by another expat. Get the tissues out for this one, it's a painful read, but worth it. It's not so much about the author, Beijing journalist Xinran, but of the harrowing tales she encountered over the years working as a talkshow host at Nanjing Radio Station in the 1980's. Though the rights of women in China have improved considerably in recent years, there stories are no less powerful. I have a terrible memory when it comes to novels and movies; most of them I forget as soon as I am finished. But years after reading this book, I still recall some of the women's heartbreaking experiences.

 

2. Ha Jin's Waiting. I can and do read fiction, though I find true accounts of China more rewarding than their fictional counterparts. Jin's novel is an exception to this rule. His story captures the plight of a man and his lover during a tightly controlled Communist China. After reading the book, I felt grateful to live in a time in place in which I am free to pick my own destiny. It was not so long ago, that most Chinese people's entire lives were mapped out by familial duty and government restrictions.

I was less impressed with

1. I am hesitant to pan this one (and I promise my lack of enthusiasm has no relation to my coveting the author's husband), but I struggled to finish Leslie Chang's Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China. It's a book that tops the lists of China “must read” books and one that I thought sounded intriguing. Chang follows the development of China's boom towns and chronicles the lives of the migrant women who go to live there. Doesn't that sound interesting? In the very beginning, I suppose it was, but after awhile the stories grew hard to follow and repetitive. I began confusing the names of the different women Chang follows as she jumped between people and places. She also devotes a large part of the book to her own family's history which has no relation to the subject matter and, unfortunately, is boring. There, I said it.

2. I read Adeline Yen Mah's Falling Leaves: The True Story of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter ten years ago and I still clearly remember my disappointment with it. Another memoir (this list is heavy with memoirs), this one focuses on a young Chinese girl's abuse at the hands of her step-mother. The book has interesting snippets about Chinese history and culture, but it's hard to read about a child being severely mistreated. I continued reading, hoping that the writer would somehow triumph, but I finished the book feeling she would forever remain in her role as victim. 

On my “to-read” list

1. Right now I'm working on Midnight in Peking: How the Murder of a Young Englishwoman Haunted the Last Days of Old China by Paul French. If reading about expat life in China at the end of the 20th century is interesting, reading about early 20th century life is truly fascinating. This true story is about the mysterious death of a young British woman who lived in Beijing with her diplomat father during the lead up to World War Two.

2. Amy Tan's latest novel, The Valley of Amazement. I loved Tan's The Joy Luck Club which beautifully portrays the struggle between mothers and daughters, as well as the cross-cultural conflict between immigrants and their first generation children. It sounds like her new novel revisits those themes through a very different story.
3. My ultimate goal: To read Yu Hua's To Live in Chinese. 

Have you read any books about China? What are your favorites? What's on your summer's "to-read" list?

What's wrong with your skin?

photo via photobucket (krashcdm)

I am indisputable Irish. You can perhaps tell just by looking at me; I've been told by real Irishmen that I look the part. It's also there in old US census records. I traced back my mom's lineage to the "old country" and my maternal grandpa's paternal grandpa was indeed born somewhere in Ireland. Everyone loves the Irish, don't they? What other country has a drunken holiday entirely devoted to it? Could you get away with wearing a "Kiss me, I'm German" shirt? I think not.

So I suppose it's a good thing to be part Irish. Except for the times when it isn't--like those summer days when I would lay out on our asphalted driveway with the neighbor girl, desperately hoping to get a tan and ending up looking like a lobster. Or when the movie Casper came out and suddenly all my middle school classmates found it hilarious to nickname me after a ghost. Yes, I have very, very white skin and I always hated it, until I came to China.

The Chinese, and I suppose Asians in general, have a thing for white skin. They use lotion with whiteners and spend the entire summer hiding under a parasol. In Asia, I have often been complimented on my skin tone, which has been an adjustment after it having it been under constant scrutiny growing up. In recent years, I've come to embrace my paleness and no long hide my frighteningly white legs in summer. I wear shorts, almost with pride.

While I'm not longer ashamed of my fairness, I have become somewhat shy about something else--my freckles. As a kid, I never minded them. I was told they were cute. But the Chinese don't seem to agree. I remember once watching an episode of the TV show Lost with Ming. One of the characters, Kate, was given the pet name of "Freckles" by another character that seemed to have the hots for her. Ming looked at me confused.

"Why's he calling her that? I thought he liked her." In his mind, it was like calling your crush a fatso. It made no sense and would totally ruin a dude's game.

"He does like her. He calls her that because he thinks her freckles are cute. They are cute," I assured him.

"Hmm," he mulled it over for a bit, "I guess they could be. . . "

"What? You don't think my freckles are cute?" I teased.

"Well, I guess now I do!"

Thank heavens for Lost, it allowed Ming to see my freckles in a whole new light! Unfortunately, he's probably the only one out of a population of 1.3 billion. I was reminded of this not once, but twice, this past week. . . .

It starts with a concerned look at my arm and then an obvious attempt to grasp at the appropriate words in English, words that won't be too insulting. The conversation goes something like this:

"What are those on your arm?" asks Concerned Chinese Person (CCP).

"Freckles," I answer, knowing damn well CCP hasn't the slightest idea what that means. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I can never remember the word in Chinese.

Curiosity tends to override manners now, so goes the follow-up question, "I'm sorry. What's wrong with your skin?"

"Nothing is wrong. They are called freckles. Many foreigners have them," I explain.

I see the suspicion in CCP's eyes and maybe even a little pity. CCP fears I have cancer or some other disease.

"It's because I'm part Irish. Irish people often have these. I'm not sick," I reassure CCP. This generally seems to satisfy the questioner on the topic of freckles even if my arm is still looked at with distaste.

My freckles are out in full blaze now that it's summer but I try not to be too self-conscious. While sometimes I wish people wouldn't look at my freckles like they are the sign of some underlying illness, I know that beauty standards are different everywhere. I can think freckles are cute even if they don't.

What about you? Is there a feature you have that you've been teased about? Have you ever found that beauty standards are different when you've lived or traveled in places far from where you grew up?

Attitudes toward homosexuality in China: What are fǔnǚ?

With the recent US Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage, some people in countries such as China are being forced to face a topic they rather sweep under the carpet. But for others, the ruling provides an opportunity for them to come out when perhaps they may not have otherwise. One such instance happened earlier this month when a graduate of Sun Yat-Sen came on stage wearing a rainbow flag and asked for the university president's support.

In ten years living in China, I have not come across any Chinese friends or acquaintances who were openly gay. In fact, the vast majority of Chinese people say they don't know anyone who is gay. I'm not particularly surprised by this as most gays and lesbians try to live an outwardly straight life in an attempt to appease their families and society. Gay men often marry, some to straight women and others to lesbians. The pressure to marry is great, but perhaps the pressure to have a child is even greater. Nowadays, gays and lesbians can turn online and to "marriage markets" so that they can find a partner to enter into a heterosexual marriage and later have a baby.

I recently talked to one of my adult students, a post-90's generation young woman, what she thought about the Supreme Court ruling and her impression of the overall attitude towards gays in China. The conversation veered in an unexpected direction.

"Do you know what fǔnǚ (腐女) are?" she asked.

“Fùnǚ (妇女)? You mean women?" I answered, confused.

She laughed.

I had mixed up two near homophones. I had her write the characters down for clarification. The first one, fǔ (腐) means "rotten or decayed" in Chinese (for those beancurd haters out there, it's also the first character in the Chinese word for tofu). Nǚ simply means "female or woman." A strange word at first glance, but it's actually a transliteration of the Japanese word (ふじょし，fujoshi) for this phenomenon.

What phenomenon? She explained that there is a raising trend of teenage girls and young women obsessing over BL (online slang for "Boy Love," yeah, I had to look that up), delighting in gay romance found in books, movies, and anime. There are large groups of women online that swap BL photos and recommend stories, films, and shows featuring BL. Initially, I thought it odd but more-or-less harmless; maybe not so different from the recent popularity of "Bromance" in the US. But there was more.

These girls also like to pair heterosexual males together, often in photos, for their own amusement. My student showed me a cartoon featuring Kim Jung-un and Barack Obama sitting together shirtless, staring at each other lovingly; this is one such example of the types of stuff that get passed around the internet. But the fǔnǚs fixation isn't strictly reserved to online shenanigans. They may harass male classmates and friends when they show any form of attention or affection towards the same sex, encouraging them to marry or kiss. For fear of being labeled as gay, some young men lash out, making ugly, homophobic comments in an attempt to ward off any further comments.

I find this trend bizarre and unfortunately, I don't know that it's doing anything to help the plight of the gay community in China, but hopefully the Supreme Court ruling will.

BL anime, from 265g.com

Exporting your pet from China

Ming with puppy Fei Fei

Updated post (Aug 18, 2015)
Second Update (Sept 12, 2015)

While it isn't quite official, we will most likely be moving back to the US this fall. My hope is to return sometime in September, with our pooch in tow. Though I am an animal lover, I never expected to get a dog while in China. Ming, my husband, randomly went into a pet shop near our daughter's school and fell in love. He fell madly, deeply, truly for a teeny, tiny poodle. After seeing her, he came home and convinced me to go have a look at her. She was adorable and exactly the kind of dog I imagined owning, but the timing just wasn't right. The next month we were heading off to Europe on vacation for three weeks, hardly an ideal time to get a dog. I promised him we could keep looking and get an idea of what kind of dog we wanted; after our trip we would commit.

The next weekend we took a stroll through an outdoor market outside Chengde's Summer Mountain Resort. A local pet store had brought some of its animals there. We decided to take a peek. As we approached, we immediately spotted the teeny, tiny poodle. . . in the arms of another man! He was admiring her while his girlfriend looked on and the pet shop owner sang the dog's praises. Ming strutted up quickly and snatched the puppy from the stranger's arms.

"This is my dog!" he declared. Then he turned to me and said with utter conviction, "Rosie, go run to the ATM. We're buying this dog!" And so we got our dog, Fei Fei.

That was over six years ago. My husband still adores the dog, at times referring to her as his "dog daughter." He is so distressed at the thought of her dying that he has convinced himself that she will one day be a world record holder and live to be 100. There was no question she'd be coming to the US with us. And so we are beginning the process.

Teddy and Fei Fei

This is what you need to find out first:

1. The requirements of the country you are flying to.
It's extremely important you look into this well in advance as some countries require tests done months in ahead of departure. For example, pets traveling from China to the EU are required to have a rabies antibody titre test. This is best to have done 6 months or before you leave, though express options may be available. On the other hand, some countries have fairly lax requirements. The US only requires a rabies vaccination, though this must be done at least one month (but less than a year) before departure from China. 

2. The policy of the airline you are flying.
I will most likely fly from Beijing to Chicago, so I called the carriers I have flown with in the past on that route. Here is what I found out:
 -American Airlines: Will not accept pets (as cargo or carry-on) for flights (plus typical check-in time and disembarkment) longer than 12 hours. In other words, they will not accept any pets on flights from China to the US, Canada, most of Europe, etc.
 -Hainan Airlines: Will only accept pets as cargo. The price is based on a head-scratching formula that takes in account variables such as your dog's length, width, and height.
-Delta Airlines: Cats and small dogs (less than 10 lbs/5 kilos) can be carried on (US$200 each way). Larger pets can be checked as cargo. I'm not sure of the price of checking a pet as cargo.
-United Airlines: Cats and small dogs can be carried on (US$125 each way). Larger pets can be checked in their special PetSafe program. Prices vary depending on weight of dog (small dogs priced at about US$700 each way).

Here is what you need to do second:

3. Fill the requirements of the country you are flying to.
Your going to need to find a vet and not just any old vet will do. From what I've read, only certain vets are certified to administer tests and vaccines for pets that will be exported. I looked into a few vets in Beijing and found the International Center for Veterinary Services as well as Doctors Beck and Stone. I think I'm going to make an appointment with the latter as they were very prompt and profession in answering my emails.

4. Purchase the proper carrier/kennel if you don't own one already.

Iris crate sold on Taobao

I plan to carry-on so I bought a soft carrier. I purchased the Sherpa Delta Airlines Deluxe Carrier on Amazon.com (the US site, not the Chinese one). The price of the carrier plus shipping was about US$50 (delivers in 2-3 with standard international shipping). I didn't find any soft carriers I liked on Taobao, but I did find some crates that fit IATA standards, had I needed to check our dog as cargo. It is a Japanese brand, Iris (爱丽思 in Chinese characters), and prices are fairly reasonable. I think such crates can also be found in some Chinese pet shops and veterinarian offices. For more information about IATA, check their website. Some detailed instructions on choosing the right crate for your international jet-setting dog, have a look at PetTravel.com .

5. Go through the procedures required by the Chinese government.  
There is some variation depending on what city you are exiting from. For those leaving from Beijing, you'll be dealing with Guan Shang Animal Hospital. You'll need to visit their office about 7-10 days before departure. They require all pets they see to be micro-chipped. Doctors Beck and Stone offer micro-chipping for 535 RMB plus vet consulting fee (ranging from 50-300 RMB, depending on experience level of vet). You'll also need to provide them with the red vaccination booklet (we actually were given a sheet of paper) you should have received from the vet who provided your pet's previous vaccinations (such as rabies).

At Guan Shang, they will perform an exam on your pet and may run some tests. Of course, this doesn't come free. The fee depends on the tests are run. We ended up paying 675 RMB (a little over US$100). The results take one to two days, and if Fido/Fluffy is set to jet, he'll be awarded a "International Companion Animal Health Inspection Form." You then must take that form (valid for 7 days) upstairs to the Entry-Exit Inspection and Quarantine Bureau. You show them the form as well as the vaccination booklet/papers and your passport, give them some cash (100 RMB, but don't quote me on that), and wait another day or two to pick up the "Animal Health Certificate" (i.e. export permit, valid for 14 days). If you live outside of Beijing and don't want to wait around for the paperwork, Guan Shang will actually do the legwork for you. After the exam results were out, they picked up the export permit for us and sent it to our home by express mail (total cost: 450 RMB, time frame: arrived 2 days from date of exam).

Guan Shang's contact information is as follows:

• Address in English: 1/F, 7 North Third Ring Road (300 meters West of An Hua Qiao, on the north side of the street), Chaoyang District
• Address in Chinese: 朝阳区北三环中路7 号一层（安华桥往西三百米路北）
• Hours: Daily 8.30am-10.30pm
• Phone: 400-700-1542、62051944、62366641、62049631、62371359

6. Book your ticket. 
You definitely need to call the airline to let them know you are traveling with a pet. Try to do it early as there is only a certain number of pets allowed on-board and policies in cargo can vary. I'll be flying Delta and they allow 4 pets in-cabin (economy seating only). They made a note that I will be traveling with a pet and I will pay for her when I check-in a the airport. Some airlines have very strict requirements about the size of your carrier. Be sure to ask, multiple times (and write down the date, time, and name of whoever you speak to in case there is a problem down the road--as happened to me!). If flying your pet cargo, be aware that some airlines won't allow pets to be checked if the temperature is too high or too low.

I've tried to put together some links from blogs of people who have traveled with there pets. A recent one from Chocolate Chick in China describes the trials and tribulations of traveling between cities in China with a pet. My Hong Kong Husband wrote a post about her experiences taking a cat from the US to Ireland. The Love Blender also have a detailed post about traveling with her cat from Taiwan to the EU. I'll try to add any links I find of other reports.

If you have gone through the process yourself and have something to add, or if you have any questions, please comment!

Crazy $h!t that's happened to me in Asia: Hostage crisis

With this chapter of my life soon coming to a close, I can't help but look back at everything that's happened over the past ten years. Now that I'm older, now that I'm someone's mother, I can't believe some of the situations I put myself into. I was at times naive, stupid, and lucky (or perhaps unlucky, if you're a glass-half-full kinda person). Many of my most bizarre experiences I never wrote about, but it's not too late. In fact, I think now is the perfect time to reflect and share my craziest adventures living in traveling in Asia. I'm going to start with my favorite, the time I got held for ransom in the Sumatran jungle.

The story starts out typically enough, at least for anyone whose a globetrotter. My friend M and I wanted to meet up. She was in the US, I in China. She'd already visited me in China once before and I had recently been home to the States for a visit. We needed a totally new venue. Somehow, we settled on going to Sumatra—I think it was because M was hoping to spot a tiger in the jungle. We rendezvoused in Kuala Lumpur before taking a quick flight down to Banda Aceh, which is a large city on the northern tip of Indonesia's island of Sumatra.

boat stranded on top of housing, Banda Ache

Our short time spent in Banda Aceh was a bit surreal, a precursor for what was yet to come on what was overall a very intense trip. Banda Aceh is a difficult place to visit for a couple of reasons. The first being that it was the place hardest hit by the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami. Everyone in the city lost someone that day, many people lost everything. We toured the city with a local, who showed us numerous inland shipwrecks, boats that were washed ashore by the tidal waves, too heavy ever to be returned to the sea. The tsunami museum was truly heartbreaking, with a wall commemorating the dead, flags honoring the countries who donated to the city's reconstruction, and live footage of the actual event.

boat stranded inland, Banda Ache

Not only was the sadness that surrounded the tsunami hard to swallow, but I was also overwhelmed by the staunch conservatism there. I'd been to Indonesia before and knew it was a predominantly Muslim country, but nothing quite prepared me for being in a state of the country that practiced sharia law. Suddenly, I felt very aware of the fact that I didn't have a headscarf on, very aware of the fact that I was simply a woman, roaming around freely in public. Everywhere we went were packs of men, but very few woman. At one point a young man in a cafe made a lewd gesture at us. Another time I was berated by an old man for wearing inappropriate clothing (a fitted, collared blouse with 3/4-length sleeves). I was indeed a strange person in a strange land.

From Banda Aceh, we moved on to a more relaxed local, Pulau Weh, an island renowned for its diving. I chickened out on the diving bit, thanks to an irrational fear of water I've harbored since early childhood. No matter, an island vacation is still paradise with or without a dive. After the island, we headed to Bukit Lawang.

river running through Bukit Lawang

Bukit Lawang. How can I even describe such a place? It's hardly a dot on a map. A small town by a river with a number of cafes and guesthouses catering to mostly foreign tourists. This place attracts travelers thanks to the nearby national park and orangutan sanctuary as well as its reputation for organizing decent treks to spot orangutans in their natural environment (and other animals too; if you are really, REALLY fortunate, you might see a rare Sumatran rhino or tiger). When we arrived, we immediately signed-up for a trek. We decided to do a basic one, two days and one night in the jungle with a near guarantee of spotting orangutans. Perfect.

Before setting out, I had done a little reading about these treks. Both online and in my Lonely Planet guidebook, I read warnings about a certain orangutan, known by local guides as Mona. Mona was a force not to be reckoned with. If she wanted something, you gave it to her. End of story. I, who in my previous travels had already had a number of unpleasant run-ins with monkeys, made an early note to stay clear of Mona.

Naturally, we spotted Mona early-on in our trek. I was a bit nervous, but the guide made a peace offering of rambutans and she let us go on our way, unscathed. I was happy to have seen an orangutan--a famed one, at that. I felt like I'd already gotten my money's worth. If given the chance, I would have headed back to camp, but I was forced to press on. I quickly realized that I was in worse shape than anyone in our group. I've always known that I wouldn't stand a chance if I was caught in some sort of Hunger Games situation, but I wouldn't expect myself to be the first dead. In this case, I was definitely the group's weakest link.

our trekking group, post-trek

I fell further and further behind as I sludged miserably through leech infested mud and climbed up slippery mountain slopes, grasping at tree roots to avoid sliding down and off the narrow trail. Before long, I was losing sight of our group and guides. One lone Frenchman took pity on me and slowed down his pace so I wouldn't be left in the dust (mud). I began to cry in frustration.

"We are going to lose the group. Just leave me!" I urged him dramatically.

"I can still see them up there. If you are worried, we can just call back one of the guides. It's their job to keep us together," he assured me.

"Okay," I sobbed, "I think I'm about to have a panic attack."

I didn't have a panic attack, though I definitely felt something close to panic. The kind Frenchman told me to stop and take it easy and then called to the guides. One of them came back to join us and I felt immediate relief.

With my new escort, the Frenchman picked up his pace and joined the rest of the group ahead, but I could easily see them in the distance. But suddenly there was something else I could see in the distance. . . another orangutan. It was swinging towards us. It was swinging down towards the ground and was coming straight for us. Oh, wait. No, coming straight for me. I stood frozen. Before I knew it, she was on me.

pure terror behind my smile

I was filled with pure terror. After all my bad run-ins with monkeys and stories I heard about rabies, this was my worst nightmare come true. She held my wrist as I looked into her brown eyes, face to face with my captor (and her offspring), trying to make sense of it all. What did she want from me? Was she going to try and take me up into the trees and integrate me into orangutan society?

At this point, our group had stopped and everyone made their way towards us. Soon they began snapping photos.

"Rosie, just turn your arm and slip out of her grip!" M called to me.

I made one futile attempt at that. It wasn't going to happen; my wrist was in a vise. This was an animal who spent most of her time swinging from branches. She was going to hold onto me as long as she wanted to hold on to me. Luckily, our guide had a plan. He was going to bribe her with fruit. She quickly ate through a pile of oranges and a bunch of rambutans, but still she refused to release me. I was beginning to wonder if there was anything left in our guide's backpack. He pulled out a large bunch of bananas and set them on a long vine. He somehow managed to jimmy the bananas up high off the ground. He then pointed them out to the clinging beast. She let go.

She was off running to claim the prize extorted from us. We didn't bother to stick around to see if she reached it, scurrying quickly, deeper into the jungle. "That was Jackie. She does it all the time," the guide said casually as we continued on our way. Why was this not mentioned in the guidebooks?!

That night, as we settled into camp, I was the envy of the group. Everyone else wished they could have had some one-on-one time with an orangutan. But the experience just cemented my fear of monkeys and now I am full-blown phobic. It might just be the craziest thing that has ever happened to me.

What about you? What is the strangest thing that ever happened to you while on vacation?

my jungle hat